My Guarantee

     I've heard it quite frequently. Apparently,  people think I'm much too hard on myself. I've heard it enough that I suppose I should stop and think about it. After all, as I may have said before on this blog, I believe in the triskel of mind, body, and spirit. In order to be truly balanced, all 3 need to be developed and worked on. So, in keeping with that thinking, let's get deep.
     Am I hard on myself? Yes. I make absolutely no argument about that. I've set very high goals for myself and I will be the first to admonish myself for not meeting those goals. They're not just goals in lifting, make no mistake, I have them in every area of my life and as I go deeper into my faith those goals get loftier. The standards that I try to hold myself to may never be attainable,  but they are my standards nonetheless.  I don't say I have high standards to make myself appear better than anyone, and I don't always hold others to the same standards I hold myself to.
     I simply cannot understand why I would not expect the best from myself.  Why on earth would I allow myself to coast by being mediocre when I know damn well that I'm capable of great? Even if I can't reach that high level I'm stronger for having tried. With each attempt, I get better and maybe with enough effort I'll reach greatness. And if I can reach greatness, then I'll set the bar higher still.
     But what of the times I fall short of what I think I should have done? Then I will be truthful with myself and I will not baby my own ego. If I know that I tried my hardest,  I'll be disappointed but still proud of my effort. That's not to say I stop striving to be better, but I cut myself some slack. If, however,  I fell short and I know, deep down, that I could have tried harder, you're damn right I'll cuss myself out and kick my own ass. There's no excuse for a less than best effort. No excuse.
     So where did this attitude all stem from? Probably a couple of different places. I think it just may be part of my personality.  But I also know that some of it comes from trying to please people who were "unpleaseable". When you try and try and try to make someone happy and continually see that you're not, it does some damage to your physce.  You see that your best isn't good enough, so you change your idea of what "best" is. I'm sure there's some psychological term or thinking behind this, but I couldn't tell you what it is. All I know is that I lived it for a very long time. I can either use it as a crutch and an excuse for being weak or I can spin it to make me stronger. I'm choosing the latter. 
     In a nutshell, I am hard on myself and maybe wrongly so at times. It's a balance that I'm in the process of learning how to achieve. Believe me, there are times when my spirit suffers because of my mind and that throws off the equilibrium of the triangle. The societal view of perfection doesn't exist. How amazing would we all be, though, if we tried to be the most perfect versions of ourselves that we could be? I will attain that. It just may take me a lifetime, more likely, several. But I will reach it. I guar-an-fucking-tee it. ;)