That Feeling

     I've got that feeling again. That feeling of consistent soreness. That feeling of realizing that what I need is already within me. That feeling of steady, quiet determination. 
     I think, at times, we all place our success and motivation in someone else's hands. We think that we need outside forces to propel us to our goals and power us through the obstacles. It's one of the most detrimental things we can do - take the power of change out of our own control. What we need to realize, and by we I mean ME, is that the power to drive, push, change, defeat, is within us; always has been and always will be. If you can't clearly define why you are training then no amount of outside force will keep you going. The moment you remember why it is you're busting your ass every day is the moment you turn on the perpetual motion switch. Once you have that switch in the on position, nothing will stop you from achieving what you want. There may be days that are an absolute struggle, and times when you feel lower than a snail's ass, but you'll keep going. You keep moving because you know that you can and that you must. 
     I remembered why I was willingly torturing myself last night. It was what made me workout in the first place because last night, the last thing I wanted to do was sweat. There were so many other things that were calling my name - laundry to fold, t.v. to watch; see, a ton of other things. But then I thought back to a year or two ago, I don't even remember when I started. I remembered struggling to press 12lb dumbbells. I was fat and doughy and horribly unconditioned. Fast forward my thoughts to a year after that when I was swinging a kettlebell for 500 reps each night and that's when that perpetual motion switch clicked on in my head. I swung a 35lb bell for a total of 10,0000 swings in 20 days and here I was today thinking it wouldn't even be worth it to swing 10 times. Fuck that. Fuck that hard. So I took that bell and swung it 500 times and mixed it in with 100 push ups. Perpetual motion would not let me quit even when part of my brain was screaming for mercy. Perpetual motion told that piece of brain to shut up, and keep swinging. And because that whiny side of my brain is a weak ass little bitch, it shut up and kept swinging.
     This morning I am sore in all the places that I used to be sore from that many swings - obliques and posterior chain, forearms and hands and because of the push ups, my upper back is feeling it too. Add that onto the soreness still from bench night and I feel amazing. Yes, that pain is enjoyable to me. 
     There will always be adversity in life. People will come and go. Enthusiasm will wax and wane, but belief in yourself should always be a constant. You will always have YOU and truly, that is the most significant thing one needs to achieve anything in this life. If we do not put ourselves first, nourish ourselves in body, mind and spirit, we are of absolutely no use to anyone or anything. If we are withered and dead inside how can we give life to anything at all positive?