The Struggle

50lb DB shrugs x50
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DEADS:
135lb x8
155lb x6
165lb x3 (belt)
185lb x3, 3x (almost fainted)
165lb x3
155lb x6
135lb x1  (back gave out, too light headed)
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35lb KB RDL x10 ea leg
Inclined hip thrusters 35lb x20
3 sets
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Cement block work:
Side hops x10 ea leg
Rear dips x10 ea
Side dips x10 ea
3 sets
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Tonight sucked ass. I haven't been eating or drinking nearly enough. My head has been pounding for the past 4 days, my back is fucked, I'm depressed and I'm struggling. Last time I did deads I didn't have to belt up until 185lb and I got 100 lifts total. Tonight I got a lousy 36. That 185lb felt bolted to the damn floor and I only managed 3 sets because I nearly passed out. 
Even still, I'm glad I went out and did something. I fought with myself all day long to get out there. I have only myself to depend on. A very important person in my life is no longer there and the hole that remains is trying to suck me in. Another struggle, as we all have in our lives. We all face adversity in different ways, we all deal with it in different ways. My way isn't entirely healthy and i'm working to get back on the healthy side of things. The struggle is real, but so is my determination.