The Fire

     The past week has felt like a year. I haven't been in the gym since Thursday, May 5 but tonight I head back in. I had pushed beyond the point that I should have and I paid dearly for that arrogance. I got my ego and my drive tangled up in a way that I shouldn't have and it set me back both physically and mentally.
     The Tuesday prior I over did it with presses. I believe we did 90 total? I admit, that was insane considering the pain I was in; not only insane but downright stupid. Then Thursday, I was in pain but thought I could work through it and I did with the measley little squats I was putting out. But the kicking....oh the kicking. Kicking a bag with full force was probably one of the single stupidest things I've done. I tried to hide it, not sure if Justin guessed the discomfort I was in, but he probably sensed it. I'm pretty sure he called me a stubborn pain in the ass, and he's right. Sometimes being stubborn is confused with being tenacious and I confused the shit out of those two things, and I suffered the consequence with joint pain and unbearable muscle spasms that felt as if they would torque my spine out of my body. I had no choice but to give in and let things rest. 
     I've said it to people before - listen to your body and let it heal when and if it needs to, but we all know how difficult it can be to take our own advice. I felt like an ass and a failure. I got depressed thinking about the dreams I'd have to give up. I got angry thinking about all the work I had done up until this point and how it seemed as if it had all been wasted. It got ugly inside this head of mine. I allowed myself to slump physically as well as mentally and that is NEVER a good combination. For me, as I'm sure for others, keeping your spirit high is super important when you're facing a physical setback. It's essential to not losing your fire, essential to keeping even the tiniest of flames burning while your physical body heals. You can't let your spirit weaken by thinking about what USED to be. You have to force your mind to focus on what is NOW and how in the world you're going to make it all happen. Because there should not be a doubt that it WILL happen.
     So it came as a comfort to me when in this morning's rune draw, I pulled kenaz. Kenaz is the rune of drive, spirit, inner fire. The rune of skill. Coupled with the fact that tonight is the first night back at the gym, it's a powerful sign that the heat has never left, the fire has never gone out and the passion never died. We all face storms. That's just how life is and it's how it should be. We have to build our fires hot enough and strong enough in fair weather that even when high winds and rain come, the fire never goes completely out. It may wither, it may dim, it may cool a bit, but when conditions are right, those flames will shoot skyward hotter than they ever have. Always be mindful of your spirit fire. Tend to it everyday making sure it's strong and the coals burn white hot. You'll not notice the heat when the weather's good, but when it turns, you'll be thankful for that warmth.