Road Trip

     I haven't been to the gym in about a week and a half. Thankfully, this wasn't because I was injured but because at the moment, life is too hectic. Between work, packing, moving boxes, reorganizing our new place and merging 2 separate households and being a mom, something had to take a backseat and that "thing" was my training. I can't even say that I was diligent at training at home. I'm admitting that maybe I should have done more. I'm going to slide by with the fact that I was tilling a garden with a garden fork, weeding overgrown flower beds all on my hands and knees, and lifting totes and moving furniture. With all that being said, I did, however, make strides to get back on track  with my eating. I'm still trying low carb, but I NEED my fruit. So I'm allowing myself to eat that. I figure that's still better than shoving a candy bar down my throat. I'm also allowing myself to have a coke today; actually for health reasons. Yes, you read that right. I have a wicked migraine that refuses to cooperate and along with that comes a massive craving for coke. I don't know the exact reason, I just know it helps. If you've never dealt with a migraine, then don't judge. 
     Seeing as how I have no real training log to share, it's a good time for some more introspective shit. You know the Otter is always down to get deep and all philosophical on you and as always, I managed to learn a lesson from all this chaos.
I'm not the type of person that enjoys chaos and upheaval. You would think that means my life is as smooth as the placid waters of a tropical lagoon. Yeah, no. My life usually contains the swirling, debris-cluttered winds of a tornado. At least, that's what it seems like to me, but the more I think about it, I think those whipping winds are only on the inside. I manage to make things look pretty ok, I think. I like to have things ordered and neat and organized but at this point in time, nothing is ordered. My little schedule that had finally fallen into place has been blown apart and that takes some major adjusting on my part. 
     I know that I can get somewhat obsessive about when things HAVE to be done. I get caught up in my schedule and plan and any deviation from that plan always threw me for a frickin loop. I saw it when my back interfered in my plans for strongwoman plans. I was so strict about following "my plan" that I wasn't able to step back and see the bigger picture. After a few panic attacks (alone in the darkness while everyone was sleeping) I managed to get my emotional wreck of a brain to stop and to listen to Mr. Logic. I looked at things on the grander scale and realized I was still working towards my goal, I just needed to adjust the road that I was taking. 
     It's the same thing with my diet. I stepped back and understood that there would be times that I would fall off of the wagon, and fall hard. I made the effort to realize that I could get back up and chase that damn wagon down and hop back on. I had to remind myself that I'm doing all this for the long haul and the end is still a very, very long way off. I've barely even begun. In the grand scheme of things, a week off from formal training isn't going to kill me. Maybe it actually gave me some needed healing time too, both physically and mentally. I reminded myself that obsession and drive are two very different things. Drive will last and endure and burns low and white hot. Obsession is fleeting, it's a flash of heat that dissipates as quickly as it flared. I choose to be driven, not obsessed.
     I've also learned to make allowances in some areas. I will never allow weakness, but sometimes that's too hard of an approach. I know we've all seen the women that say that you can and should be able to do it all - be a mom, work full time, save the planet, train for an hour each day. It's just bullshit, plain and simple. there are 24 hours in each day that we have and while some macho badasses want to claim that you don't need sleep, I have to disagree. I allowed myself to be human. With that comes all the downsides of being human - I need sleep, I make mistakes and I am not perfect. To those of you who are, I take my hat off to you. 
     I've taken some of the pressure off of myself and I have to say that it feels good. I want to be able to enjoy this journey and not just rush through it to say that I did it. Enjoyment was something that I was beginning to forget in the pursuit of "perfection".
     Tomorrow I hit the gym again and it will be good to get back. It's good to feel tat physical effort and then exhaustion, it's good to see my trainer and interact with him and it's good to know that I'm once again, moving on this road to being strong. The road trip continues and it continues with a renewed sense of fun.