How Many Days?

SHRUGS:

60lb DB x35

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BACK SQUATS:

Bar x10

75lb x10

95lb x10

115lb x10

135lb x10

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RENEGADE ROWS

25lb x10 ea

PLANK PUSHUPS

x10

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STEP UPS (weight is each side)

25lb x10 ea

35lb x10 ea

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25lb situps x20

leg raises x15

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     Twenty four. It's been 24 days since I last worked out in any fashion. I have to be brutally honest with myself and accept the fact that I have regressed. I am currently failing my gods, my family and myself and there are exactly zero excuses for that. I've been busy with keeping the house in order, yes, and I've also been busy trying to make and sell my wares, but those are nothing more than empty excuses. Even with doing those things, I still could have fit in some sort of training most every day. 

     It's self-defeating to fall into the trap of the "I used to's". I used to be able to bench this amount, I used to be able to squat that amount. However, it's embarrassing to realize that I really did used to be in pretty good shape. I have so much extra fat on my body now that I'm fairly certain I could hibernate for a couple of months and not be any worse for wear. All that extra fat and I still sit here and shovel in the sweets. Go ahead, Yogi, have that whoopie pie. 

     It's disgusting. I'm an intelligent woman. I understand nutrition and exercise. So what the actual fuck is wrong with me?! I have a lack of discipline, a lack of motivation, a lack of willpower. I know this. So how do I fix it? That's the part I don't know. I know what I need and now I need to go about getting it. I suppose part of it is just doing it. Not thinking weeks ahead, but thinking day by day. Today I worked out. Done. Tomorrow? well, tomorrow is for tomorrow's worry.

     When I'm lifting heavy and absolutely dreading the next set, I'll play a little mental game with myself. I'll tell myself,  "Just do one more. All you have to do, is one more rep and you're done."

     I do the one rep, because I can always do one rep. Then I take a breath and tell myself the same thing again. "Just do one more, then you can quit."

     I do it because I've given myself an out; an excuse for it to be OK to quit. I also do it because I know that if I quit, I'm a loser. I know it sounds stupid, but 9 times out of 10 it works. So maybe that's what I need to do here. I'm telling myself just do one more day. Then I can quit. Just work out tomorrow and then be done with it all; then I can be a quitter. Who knows, maybe it'll work for me. I can always do one more day.