All You Need Is Patience

DB BENCH:

(5 sec. Eccentric, 5 sec pause) 25lb x5

25lb x5

(5 sec. Eccentric, 5 sec pause) 25lb x5

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BENCH:

65lb x10

(115lb x5) 3x

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INCLINED BENCH:

(65lb x6) 2x

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SKULL CRUSHER:

(45lb x10)

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     After roughly a month, I actually lifted some weights. No sweat was broken, no records set, no reason to boast. Just some movement that I needed both physically and mentally. We went slow and we went easy. I can't say that I am happy that I worked out but I'm at the very least, not disappointed in myself for letting another day slip by. 

     You know what I miss? Actually enjoying lifting weights. It has become such an obnoxious chore. Some days I catch a little of the old spark again, and those are the good days. Some days, the fire is out, the kindling is wet and there isn't anything giving off sparks. It's those latter days that are in abundance. Of course, I'm probably the biggest reason that it's become such a chore. I put so much pressure on myself to find a program, stick to the program, make the damn progress and make it big! I find myself lately asking "why?" 

     I want to be strong, that's a given, but why am I putting such an inordinate amount of pressure on myself to be so structured and disciplined? I'm not a professional. I'm not going into any comps (those days are long gone). I'm not inspiring anyone to reach for the stars. So what the fuck is my issue? Why does it seem nearly impossible to me to just bench, squat, press & deadlift? Why do I get insanely pissed off if I don't make a PR every week? 

     Unfortunately, I didn't start lifting until my mid thirties; certainly not an ideal time. I wish I had started sooner. I wish I hadn't been so stupid and let my inner voice be squashed so easily. You know what they say though - wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up first. I can't go back and change that. The reality is, I started late and that means that my body is not going to react the same to training as someone half my age. Yet, here I am, expecting just that. My body hurts so bad some days and I still beat myself up for it, as though I'm just not trying hard enough to be better. I have to stop that. I have to. Because if I don't, I will drive myself insane.

     Now, that is not to say that I am putting forth 100% effort. I'm obviously not. I have things that I can improve on with my diet and my consistency. I have to recognize though that I also need to work on having a bit more patience with myself. That may be the hardest thing I can change about myself but I will try. As always, I won't quit. I'll take a breather and then get back in the fight.