We're Not Strong All The Time

     It's been about 20 days since I worked out. So much for the friggin discipline. I have no concrete answer as to why. It's really the same old bullshit mental issues. I'm scattered, frustrated, depressed, anxious. All of those things and more. The weight room is once again being used as a junk room, but honestly, I hadn't worked out even before we put shit there. I'm up 7 pounds, but if I weigh myself again in a few days, I guarantee I'll be down about 4 pounds. This roller coaster fucking sucks. 

     I don't seek a doctor's advice anymore for a couple of reasons; the first being that I have no insurance. The second reason is that of all the times I've gone to a doctor to have issues addressed, they weren't. Plain and simple. You're getting older, lose weight. That was how anything was addressed. Some issues were even brought on by going to the doctor. If I still had my goddamn ovary, I wouldn't be in this nightmarish hormonal shit show right now. My neck and back are in agony every fucking day, I don't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time and by the time 5pm rolls around, I'm falling asleep on the couch. My brain is foggy all the time and I can't concentrate to save my life. I tried reading a book the other day and couldn't get past a few paragraphs without losing focus. I gave up. Any and all pride I had in keeping to my program went out the window about 18 days ago so now I have a load of guilt that would make Atlas shudder. I don't know. I'm floundering at the moment and I see no solution. 

     One thing I have come to realize is that I simply cannot focus on as many things as I would like to. I have my weightlifting and this blog. I have my crafting page on facebook and the Etsy shop that goes along with it, plus I have projects I need to do around the house (bathroom repairs and things like that), plus I have just general things to keep the house going. I feel like I'm stretching myself too thin, but on the other hand I feel as though I'm never doing enough. I'm thinking of writing more on my other blog again. I'm wondering if I use that as a place to vent, I can get some of this anxiety out of my head. 

     All I can do is take things one day at a time. Strength has always been a trifold subject for me - mind, body & spirit. I'm screwing up all 3 at the moment and that is not a sustainable way of life for me. 

So, yeah. There ya have it. Lots of issues, a shit ton of anxiety and no visible solutions. WOOO! So pumped right now......