Rise Again Tomorrow

     DAY 12 of 21. I took a break from kettlebells tonight and did some very easy weights tonight. I'm getting really bored. The same thing, every night...swing, squat, push, blah, blah, blah. I'm tired, worn out and just feel like stopping. But I know I shouldn't quit. I also know that I gave myself a challenge of 21 days of kettlebells. While I've technically broken that challenge by missing a day, I didn't want to miss another day. I suppose I've broken that challenge even further by doing weights instead of kettlebells. Oh well. At least it was better than nothing. 

     Here's what we did:

50lb DB shrugs x40

Machine chest flies: 40lb x10, 20lb x10, 20lb x10, 10lb x10

Tricep pull downs: 60lb x10, 70lb x3, 60lb x7

Face pulls: (60lb x10) 2x

Seal rows: (30lb x10) 2x

Hanging knee raises (x10) 3x

     Tonight got me thinking about a couple of things. It bothers me that I get so upset if I deviate from this challenge in any way. Why? This wasn't handed down to me from some superior or something. It was given to me by some adversary trying to break me. It was simply something that I thought would be good for me to do. I also thought that I had a couple of people to do it with me, but I'm not sure they're still going. I thought if I could keep myself moving every day for 3 weeks I would definitely set up some better fitness habits and hopefully, in the process, drop the last of this extra weight that I'm carrying around. I've missed one day of the past 12. Every single one of the other 11 days I've worked my ass off swinging a bell. But I have to stop to think if my goal was to totally break myself over the span of 3 weeks. Can I work this hard every day for 21 days? Should I? I'm no spring chicken but I'm certainly not the friggin crypt keeper, either. So is it so awful if tonight, I did a fluff of a workout? Then I start to worry that I'm giving myself the OK to make excuses for not living up to my expectations. 

     Being a chronic overthinker is tiresome. Couple that with insomnia and you've got a wonderful set up for exhaustion. Which is the point that I'm at. So was tonight stellar? NO. I cannot lie and say that it was tough or taxing or really, very productive. It was, however, movement and better than sitting on my ass on the couch. It was semi-enjoyable and my love and I got to spend a few quiet minutes together. 

     Tomorrow will be another day that I can try again. Maybe I'll have a few hours of good sleep tonight and maybe I'll have a bit more spring in my step tomorrow. I don't know the certainty of those things. I know though, for certain, that I will keep trying. I will keep striving to be better even when it looks as though I'm running in place.

     It's exactly because of times like these that I keep a particular John Dryden quote close at hand. I learned it when I first started seeing a personal trainer all those years ago and it sums me up perfectly. I keep it on my blog and when I feel less than wonderful and less than what I should be, I read it and remind myself of how far I've come. I will leave you with it tonight.