What A Joke

     It's late (for me). 9:12 p.m. to be exact. I probably shouldn't be blogging but something is eating at my mind. So you'll excuse me if the post is a bit...disjointed. I'll ask you to also forgive the larger than normal amount of typos. Or who knows, maybe i'm so tired, I'll actually improve!
     Support. Do I need it? Yes. Do I receive it? Yes and no. I get an ENORMOUS amount of support from my trainer.  I get loving support from my boyfriend. I get strong support from friends both online and in person. And all of that support is amazing and it's helped to push me through some tough patches. However, that support that I receive will at times, be overshadowed by the support that I don't receive.   
     I think we expect certain people to always be there for us and take an interest in what we're doing. Even if it's an area they may not be personally interested in, they pay attention for the simple fact that they WANT to support us. When those expectations aren't met and the people fall far short, it can really do a number on our physce.  
     I'm having a hard time telling myself to stop with the expectations. I know I have people in my corner that want to see me succeed,  that should be enough, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes I just feel like it's all a joke to some.  That hurts. It fucking hurts. The thing is, though, that they don't / won't  / can't  even see the hurt. It's not something that can be talked through or discussed either. Because there's no point in discussing a joke right? Me getting so upset over something so insignificant is like the joke within the joke. 
     The only solution I have for the moment is to tell myself that there are simply some situations that will never really change and that my expectations here will never be met. All I can and should do is carry on with the same resolve that I've always had and make things happen. All I can do is continue to work and achieve my goals as I have them laid out. My consolation is knowing, with absolute certainty,  that there will come a day when I celebrate my success with those that helped me achieve it. And there will be some standing on the outside looking in and wondering why the joke isn't so funny anymore.