Sometimes It Hits Me

I lost my brother about 8 years ago now, I guess. While I know that that is not something that you ever get over, there I days when it hits me how much I miss him. We didn't have the best relationship and that was due to a lot of things that I'm not putting down here. But he was my big brother and I know that if I ever needed him, he would've been there. I also know that we would've gotten along so much better now that my life circumstances have changed. 

Among the many things I miss, what always gets me is that he never got to see me accomplish the things that I have in the gym. And I know that he would've been under that bar with me. I just know it. I wonder about how he would have pushed me and how I may have motivated him. I wonder what music he would've listened to and I smile to think of him cussing and swearing and enjoying himself. Who knows if he actually would have done those things, but in my mind's play, he does. It's bittersweet to think of things like that but lately that's all that gets me through these stupid workouts. 

Tonight, I just ran. I ran 2 miles and walked a little at the end just to round out the time to 30 minutes. Then I did some chest pulls with the black band, Russian twists with the 20lb kb and some full extension sit ups. 

I love working out with Frank. He's my baby and he has more faith in me than I have in myself. But that's a different dynamic than having my big brother there with me, calling me names to push me harder. I miss that asshole.