Chipping Away

45lb KB shrugs x30
BOX SQUATS:
Bar x10
90lb 4/1 x3
135lb x1
145lb x1
155lb x1
185lb x1
215lb x1 sleeves & belt
215lb x1 sleeves & belt
Alternated with a squat then a stretch
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SAFETY SQUAT BACK SQUATS:
115lb x3, 6x
115lb x2, 2x
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Hang from reverse hyper table  - noticed I was knotted up like  mother fucker. 
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90lb total kb dead lift x10
45lb KB step ups x5 ea leg
Box jumps x5
Hanging knee raises x10
Did that set 3x
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12lb ball shoulder carry on toes  20', pivot, 20'
Foam roller balance / toss with air squats when I fell off. I think there was a total of 15?
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I went into tonight very apprehensive about how I would hold up. Of course, there's disappointment that I only got up to 215lb,  and for only one rep.  But as I was told, we're chipping away at the bigger weights. There is no magical cure for my back and I've come to terms with the fact that i'll always have some sort of pain, but I want so badly to feel strong. I feel like I'm babying myself and I hate that. But, anyhow.....
One thing I did notice was that I felt stronger, on the box squats, coming out of the hole. At the top of the lift I felt like I was popping up instead of struggling to get there,  so that's a plus. Also, on the back squats, we narrowed down where my sticking point was. I was basically letting my brain tell me that it was going to hurt and that it was going to be difficult. So I switched it and on the way into the hole, I told myself to just push, get the speed and power up and just push. It worked. 
And, in my defense, I'm struggling a bit to breathe because I ha e yet ANOTHER cold. So, quite frankly, I'm surprised I didn't flop over. 
I was painfully tight when I rolled my legs at the end of the night. Pain like I haven't felt before when I fom toll. I am one big knot. But fat doesn't knot up, so I'm taking it as a positive. ;-)