There Ain't A Fuckin Thing Wrong With That!

PVC mobility / stretch
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2pt squat:
Bar x10 / Reverse hyper swings x10
65lb x5 / hanging knee raises x10
90lb x3
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105lb regular paced squats x3
115lb x3
135lb x3 (belt, sleeves, on plates)
145lb x2
155lb x2
155lb x5 (max reps)
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1/4 squats w/Safety Squat Bar
+90lb x5
+160lb x5
+180lb x5
+200lb x5
+250lb x5
+250lb & 100lbs chains x3
+270lb & chains x3
+270lb plates only x3
+270lb & chains x4 (max reps)
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box squats with DB held shoulder high:
25lb x10
20lb x12
15lb x15
10lb x20
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Core work with stability ball.
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Good gods!!! What a night! Tonight was for a friend that's feeling g some substantial pain, so I went into it knowing I wanted to show up. But ypu know what? I felt my brother there too. He was coming through in the music and it was great! Another blog will follow later tonight, but right now, I need foood. 

Mucking Around

I was supposed to have a chiropractor appointment today, but they canceled. So I was thrown into a bit of a quandry. I wanted to do something physical since I didn't have to deal with any back adjustments. But I'm horrible at on the spur planning! My shoulders and back were still on fire from deads on Monday and bench yesterday,  and I have squats tomorrow, so stressing the legs isn't what I wanted to do. See how I confuse and complicate things? 
I decided I would take tonight and just learn the Turkish Get Up. For some resonance they've always stumped me. Maybe I wasn't strong enough, maybe I had the movements wrong. Who knows. But tonight, tonight I did it!
I won't count tonight as a "workout" per se. Just mucking around and getting a bit of sweat. Barely burned any calories lol. What I ended up doing was:
TGU / KB swings / KB seated press
20lb x1 ea / 35lb x10 / 20lb x5 ea, 3x
35lb x1 ea / 35lb x20 / 20lb x5 ea, 3x 
35lb x1 ea / 35lb x20 / 20lb x5 ea, 3x
And that was it. Nothing to speak of, but at least I got the damn TGU figured out. Now to get stronger at it and progress to the 55lb bell. The 35lb was doable, but a little shaker than it should be. Just need to get all those stabilizer muscles firing!

My Guarantee

     I've heard it quite frequently. Apparently,  people think I'm much too hard on myself. I've heard it enough that I suppose I should stop and think about it. After all, as I may have said before on this blog, I believe in the triskel of mind, body, and spirit. In order to be truly balanced, all 3 need to be developed and worked on. So, in keeping with that thinking, let's get deep.
     Am I hard on myself? Yes. I make absolutely no argument about that. I've set very high goals for myself and I will be the first to admonish myself for not meeting those goals. They're not just goals in lifting, make no mistake, I have them in every area of my life and as I go deeper into my faith those goals get loftier. The standards that I try to hold myself to may never be attainable,  but they are my standards nonetheless.  I don't say I have high standards to make myself appear better than anyone, and I don't always hold others to the same standards I hold myself to.
     I simply cannot understand why I would not expect the best from myself.  Why on earth would I allow myself to coast by being mediocre when I know damn well that I'm capable of great? Even if I can't reach that high level I'm stronger for having tried. With each attempt, I get better and maybe with enough effort I'll reach greatness. And if I can reach greatness, then I'll set the bar higher still.
     But what of the times I fall short of what I think I should have done? Then I will be truthful with myself and I will not baby my own ego. If I know that I tried my hardest,  I'll be disappointed but still proud of my effort. That's not to say I stop striving to be better, but I cut myself some slack. If, however,  I fell short and I know, deep down, that I could have tried harder, you're damn right I'll cuss myself out and kick my own ass. There's no excuse for a less than best effort. No excuse.
     So where did this attitude all stem from? Probably a couple of different places. I think it just may be part of my personality.  But I also know that some of it comes from trying to please people who were "unpleaseable". When you try and try and try to make someone happy and continually see that you're not, it does some damage to your physce.  You see that your best isn't good enough, so you change your idea of what "best" is. I'm sure there's some psychological term or thinking behind this, but I couldn't tell you what it is. All I know is that I lived it for a very long time. I can either use it as a crutch and an excuse for being weak or I can spin it to make me stronger. I'm choosing the latter. 
     In a nutshell, I am hard on myself and maybe wrongly so at times. It's a balance that I'm in the process of learning how to achieve. Believe me, there are times when my spirit suffers because of my mind and that throws off the equilibrium of the triangle. The societal view of perfection doesn't exist. How amazing would we all be, though, if we tried to be the most perfect versions of ourselves that we could be? I will attain that. It just may take me a lifetime, more likely, several. But I will reach it. I guar-an-fucking-tee it. ;) 

No One Said It Was Easy

Single KB shrugs 55lb x50
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Bench Press:
Bar x10 / 50lb DB row w/fat grip x5 ea side
65lb x5 / rows x5 ea
75lb x8 / rows x5 ea
85lb x6 / rows x5 ea 
95lb x3 / rows x5 ea 
105lb x3 / rows x5 ea 
115lb x3 / rows x5 ea 
125lb x3 / rows x5 ea 
135lb x2 / rows x5 ea 
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135lb w/100lbs of chains, s.s. pad and foam roller x2
125lb w/all that crap x3
115lb w/all that crap x8
105lb w/all that crap x8
85lb  w/crap minus the foam roller x4
Bar  w/crap minus the roller x9 (wide grip)
     "                    "                       x5 (mid grip)
     "                    "                       x4 (narrow)
50lb DB row w/f.g. x5 ea side (max reps)
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12lb standing wall ball x30
20lb inclined DB press x15
Dynamic side/side pushups on a 35lb bumper plate x10
20lb inclined DB press x15
Dynamic in/out pushups w/the bumper plate x10
15lb inclined DB press x15
Fast in/in out/out pushups on bumper plate x10
Bench dips x11
Bench pushups x10
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Pushup side shuffle 20' x2
Pushup front shuffle 10'
Back shuffle 10'
Side shuffle 20' x2
Front shuffle 10'
Back shuffle 10'
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The distances are approximate on the shuffles and I couldn't do it all without stopping, but I did it. The weight, also, on the chains is approximate. I guess each length is about 50lbs or so. 
Went in feeling a little squirrely in my stomach from a horrible lunch and quite honestly,  I'm surprised I didn't throw up. But I needed my safe haven today, badly, and the gym is that place for me. 
There was pain tonight. Cramping shoulders, shaking arms, sore back. But that's what drives me. The pain are all those demons being slaughtered. War is never easy. Especially when it's against yourself.

A Cold Day In Hell

Deads:
135lb x8
155lb x6
165lb x3
Belted up for the following:
185lb x3, 5x
165lb x3
155lb x6
135lb max reps: x17, x10, x10, x12, x10
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Thrusters:
100lb x10
115lb x8
135lb x3, 2x
I wanted to get 3 more sets at 135lb,  but the chair I use kept moving and I didn't feel safe. So I stopped. I have it on rubber mats too, but it's just not heavy enough to stand up to me plus the weight. I'll have to come up with a solution.
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The following was completed using a cement block:
Single leg side hop x10 ea
Single leg side dip x10 ea
Step up/dip x10 ea
3 sets of that circuit
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I have been very lax on my deadlifting lately. The last time I tried them, my back went to shit and I think I've been a bit gun shy. Tonight, however, I checked my ego at the garage door and belted up when I felt I needed it. I'm a little disappointed that I have to belt for 185lb when that use to be fairly easy for me, but I'd rather do this safely and be able to gain strength instead of being an idiot and losing mobility and functionality. I believe once I get back to every Monday being deadlift day, my strength will be back where it should be in fairly short order. 
I broke down and bought a small space heater for the garage because it was FREEZING out there. 33° to be exact. I can remember not too long ago I was training in 90° heat and high humidity. If the weights don't toughen me, Mother Nature surely will!

3 Days In A Row

(All these movements done with a 35lb KB)
Swings x10 / goblet squat x3 / pushups x5
Performed that set 10 times
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Cln & press x5 ea / rows x10 ea / single leg RDL x10 ea
Performed that set 2 times
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Just a quick little workout tonight,  I'm not even sure if the whole thing took 30 minutes, but it got the heart rate up and some good sweat flowing. It also mrans that this is my third day in a tow which i don't think i've done in quite some time. 
Now time for some food and a beer. 

Working It

55lb Barbell Front Squat/ Press/RDL 1-10 ladder, alternate with Burpees x10
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15 minute AMRAP:
35lb KB swing x20
Lunges x50 (x25 ea leg)
Sit ups x40
Battle ropes x100
I finished 2 full reps. On the third rep I finished up to 30 sit ups and time ran out
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I'm seriously lacking in my conditioning, so I'm glad I went to the gym this morning. I want to get back to training about 6 days a week and the only way to do that is to start training 6 days a week! Thinking about it doesn't work, dreaming about it doesn't work, talking about it doesn't work. Only work works. :)

You Guessed It, Another PR!

35lb KB swing x30
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Safety Squat Bar Box Squats:
Bar x10 4 to 1
85lb x5 4 to 1
115lb x3
115lb x3
135lb x3
155lb x2
165lb x2 (1" higher)
185lb x2 (2" higher)
195lb x3 (3" higher)
205lb x1
210lb x1
220lb x1
230lb  x1
240lb  x1
255lb  x1
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S.S. Bar w/anchor chains x10 / Reactive hops x20, 5x
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Unilateral Exercises:
Step ups / dips x10 ea approx 1'
Assisted pistol squats 2' x3 ea
Single leg box hops 1' x10 ea
Box squat / jump x10
Wide single leg step ups 1' x5 ea
Single leg side hops 1' x10 ea
Assisted pistol squats 3' x10 ea
Single leg side dips x10 ea 1'
Single leg reverse lunge x3 ea, 3x / bent reactive hops x20, 2x
Box squat / jump 20lb KB x5
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Ball squeeze 3 sec hold x 30
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I had some issue getting into the correct stance tonight. My left leg felt like it wasn't anchored, like it wasn't solid into the floor. I think maybe it's because of the adjustments that the chiropractor has been making. It may take some getting used to, being back in the alignment that I should be in. I also noticed that my right leg was definitely feeling the weight more than the left. I'm taking that all as a good sign that things are not only being brought back where they should be, but the ligaments are keeping them there!
All that unilateral work I had to write down after I got home, so the order of the exercises isn't correct, but you get the idea.
Even with all the debate that we have in the gym over how much the safety squat bar weighs (I say 65lb,  Justin only counts it as 45lb ) I still got 10lbs more than last time. I'm going with 255lb on high box squats!!!!
I said to Justin that someday I'd be squaring that weight for real. He looked at me and  said "this is for real." I'm very hard on myself and I tend to always feel like I'm cheating or taking the easy way. I have to remind myself that while I can't back squat 255lb,  I can sit with it on my back and get back up again. And you know what, that's pretty damn good. 

New PR!!!!

45lb KB shrugs x50
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3 Part bench x5
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65lb x5 4 to 1 / 45lb rows x5 ea (fat grips)
85lb x3 / 45lb rows x5
105lb x3 / 45lb rows x5
110lb x3 / 45lb rows x5
135lb x3 / 45lb rows x5
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140lb x1 (4" foam roller)
145lb x1 (roller)
150lb x1 (roller)
155lb x1 (roller)
165lb x1 (roller)
135lb x4
NASCAR:
115lb  x9
95lb x10
Wt? x10
Wt? x8
Bar x23
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Inclined bench curl & press / shrugged flies
10lb x10 / 10lb x10
15lb x8 / 15lb x8
20lb x5 / 20lb x5
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The following exercises were timed. I'm not positive, but I think a minute on each one.
Pushups/ 45lb KB rows / barbell press / bench dip / ab 
 wheel
x16/x12 ea (sets of 3) / x7 / x11 / x7
x19 / x9 ea / x10 / x12 / 7
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Core strengthening with a 35lb bumper plate. Various timed exercises.
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I can't really remember or describe what we did for the core, but it involved laying down and pressing a 35lb plate over my chest while moving my legs. It was hel.
But look at that PR! 165lb.  Officially more than my body weight. The numbers don't lie, I'm making progress.

Battlegrounds

     I've made no secret about my struggle with depression. OK, maybe in other parts of my life, but it's no secret to anyone who reads this little blurb of a blog. It sucks, and the anxiety that goes along with it sucks even more. So as I sit here at work, totally overcome with panic and dread and worry, my only outlet is a strength gripper that I keep on my desk. 

     I'm no doctor, by any means, and I've only read briefly on the connection between depression and exercise. I can tell you first hand though that it has been the only thing keeping me in a quasi-sane state of mind. With depression, the movement helps snap you out of the stagnant state that you're in. It produces beneficial chemicals in your brain that have been proven to boost your mood. Granted, they're small amounts, but it may be just the kick you need to make it through the day. On the days that all I want to do is sit in the corner and cry, training has forced me to carry on. Now, the will to get out of the corner and actually start training, that's a strength all in its own, and I'm damn proud and glad that I have that. I have no one close to me to come pull me by the arm and force me to the gym. I only have me.

     Anxiety though, ahh, anxiety. What a little bastardly prick it is. Anxiety, for me, is that neurotic voice in my head that takes great pleasure in reminding me of all the things that could go wrong. It joyfully tells me of all the ways that people can hurt me, and it happily shares memories of stupid things I've done. It builds up a feeling of tremendous pressure inside my chest, makes me sick to my stomach, and makes it feel as though I will literally explode with all these troublesome thoughts. Physical activity is the antithesis to anxiety. That's why I have the grippers. Even that small amount of exertion is a physical release of some of that internal pressure. But the real release is lifting. 

     Lifting heavy weight, moving through sets of high reps, you have no time for troublesome thoughts. If you lose your focus even for a minute, your form goes to hel and there's a good chance you'll wind up hurting yourself. So that little fucker of a voice has to be silenced to perform. There's another way that it releases the anxiety for me though, and I've been thinking more on this lately. There's a certain amount of pain during training, right? I don't mean the muscle soreness after. I mean it will physically hurt to hold a heavy bar on your shoulders. To me, it's as if the internal pain, all the hurt in my mind, is being physically manifested at that moment, and it's my one chance to win. It's my chance to feel that pain, and tell it to fuck off. If I cave and say, "nope, i can't push through because it hurts" then I have basically told my anxiety that it's better than me. Why would I do that? Why would I want to feed into that awful energy and make it bigger and more powerful? I will not allow that to happen. So I fill my belly with air, set my shoulders, and push. For me, there simply is no other choice.

     I realize that to some, this all seems a bit much. It seems like there's way too much thought being put into this whole lifting weights thing. But for someone like me, it's only a fraction of the thoughts that go through my head each day. The gym, my garage, the hills where I run, they are the battlegrounds where I fight to live another day. Not every enemy is seen. Not every enemy is visible. Every enemy is defeatable. 

Well That Was Stupid

50lb DB shrugs x50
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3 Sets of the following:
35lb KB clean and press x5 ea 
55lb KB swing x10
35lb dbl KB racked carry 200' 
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120lb bag carry 100'  not timed
120lb bag 100' 23.97 seconds
120lb bag 100' 22.82 seconds 
120lb bag approx 35', bag broke
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136lb natural stone lift to chest x1, 2x
Back gave out
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I really need to completely overhaul my sand bag or buy a new one and start fresh, but I thought it would hold out for today. I was wrong. I wanted to keep lifting though and the only thing I had left was my boulder.  I lifted it this past summer, but that was a few months ago now. I don't know if I've gotten weaker, or if it's more a matter of just losing the technique. Whatever the reason, my back said no. Now I'm paying the price. Much to my horror, I'm icing my back. I hate ice, I hate being cold, but I'm doing it because I promised my best friend that if my back was bothering me I would do it. 
I always push at the wrong times. :(

I Need A Joint....Adjustmemt

Years ago my doctor told me my back pain was due to Degenerative disc condition. I was told that it was a "normal" process that just started sooner in me than other people. The solution? Lose weight. Thanks. So now I have and early - aging back to go along with my fucked up knees.
Fast forward to a year ago when I started really lifting weights and I thought, my back is going to be an issue and my knees are going to be an issue. For awhile I was wrong. My muscles were getting stronger and I did lose weight, about 35lb or so. Then things started changing course and I got into higher reps and more strain and my back decided it had had enough. The pain after squatting, on some nights was nearly unbearable. (Keep in mind that I've suffered from migraines since I was a small girl, so I'm used to dealing and living with horrendous pain.)
Finally, I decided to visit the chiropractor that my trainer told me he had gone to. That brings us to today. He had me lay on my back, and he tested the strength of my right side by pushing against my leg and arm in different positions and having me resist the movement. I had to laugh at how I couldn't do it with any efficiency.
The diagnosis?  An issue with the sacroiliac joint had cause my right hip to open a bit which in turn threw off the alignment of my spine all the way to my neck. So he used some small hammer type contraption and pushed my bones back into a proper alignment. 
While it's going to take some time to get the ligaments to heal and keep everything aligned, I'm happy and relieved to at least know what's going on. Plus, it explains so much. It explains why I lean a bit to the left when I stand and why when I start getting fatigued in squats, I start leaning even more to the left. The things it explains that I never would have guessed are my right arm feeling so weak during bench nights. Arching my back as I do puts just enough extra pressure on that joint to affect the strength of my arm. And it explains why I had stiffness and pain in my neck. And lastly, it can also explain why I wind up with headaches after I train. I'm also wondering if this is why my left knee bothers me more than my right. It probably is.
This is why kinesiology is so fascinating to me. The way we move is intricate and beautiful. And bordering on, dare I say, magical? After just the first adjustment I had more strength in my right leg and arm. And some of the stiffness had gone from my neck. As I said, it's going to take some time to get realigned, and healed, but I'm excited to get going. 
I've managed to do some pretty good stuff being less than 100%, and I've managed to do it through some substantial pain. I feel like the sky's the limit now. So along with adjustments to my spine, there's adjustments in the gym as well. We need to stay away from higher rep workouts. But we're still good with heavy weight. We'll find a way to work around this, while we have to. I don't want to screw myself up so bad that I squash the possibilities,  but I also am not giving up on my goals. I've come too far to do either of those things.

Night Reflections

     Now that my little girl is in bed and I have some quiet time, I wanted to take a minute and look back on tonight. It was an excellent night at the gym. Every night I can get to the gym is great, but there will always be certain nights that stand out.
     I went in and gave my trainer, Justin, a heads up that I had only had a few hours sleep the night before. I was stressed and anxious about shit and had a killer migraine. Sleep was the last thing my body could do. So while I certainly wasn't using that as an excuse to get out working hard, I just wanted to get the warning out there that I may be a little loopy. Squat night is not a night to be loopy.
     But I started hitting them and pushing them out pretty well. It wasn't long before I had gotten up to a PR of 185lb.  Who knew that lack of sleep was a key ingredient to success? (You all know I'm being sarcastic as hel right now. Never skimp on sleep, my darlings). 
     Then we moved on to power lockouts. I had no idea what they were, I had never done them but I was excited when we started at my max squat weight,even more excited when we got to 4 plates on the bar, and down right ecstatic when I got to 6 plus another 10lbs!
     Let me explain what really stuck out to me about myself tonight. The pain, to me, is beautiful.  I don't mean the D.O.M.S. that sets in a couple days after each session. I mean the pain, the hurt, of a knurled bar with 325lbs on it digging into your shoulders and back. I'm talking about the pain of holding that loaded bar for a mere 10 seconds. Feeling your neck, shoulders, and traps burning as they struggle under the burden. The pain of having to keep your entire body tight and solid as you breath through the agony. What makes it beautiful is knowing that A) not so long ago, you couldn't imagine yourself doing this and B) you're doing something that the majority of women will never do. You are suffering because you know the benefits that you'll harvest for all your hard work.
     So as I stood there, feeling myself trembling under the strain, I thought, "this is the feeling I've been missing for so long. This is what I had lost. But it's back." It's back and better than ever, bitches.  The Otter is planning a comeback. My fire is building and with it my confidence and excitement.  I'm still fairly restrained in the gym, but inside I'm a cauldron bubbling over with badassery.
     So those are my thoughts before I retire to hopefully peaceful slumber. No giving up.  No giving in. Just pushing as hard as I need to in order to achieve my goals. 
   

NEW PR!!!!!

Warm up:
Bar clean x1 / front squat 1-10 ladder
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Bar x10 4 to 1
65lb x3 3 sec pause
85lb x3 pause
95lb x3 no pause
105lb x3
115lb x3
125lb x1
135lb x1
155lb x1
165lb x1
175lb x1
185lb x1
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High bar 1" power lockouts:
185lb x10
195lb x10
205lb x8
225lb x6
245lb x5 with a 10 sec hold
265lb x4 10 sec hold
285lb  x3 10 sec hold
305lb x3 10 sec hold
325lb x3 no hold
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Pistol box squats:
Body wt x3 ea leg
10lb x3 ea
25lb x3 ea
35lb x3 ea
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Step Ups
25lb x5 ea leg
35lb x5 ea
45lb x5 ea
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Very pleased with tonight. All the squats were done with plates under my heels to help with form.
No back pain at all tonight! That's probably the best feeling of all. Keeping the reps low while I figure out how to treat my back.  I'm going to see the chiropractor tomorrow, so hopefully, we'll get some answers.

Fine Does Not Mean Fine

Swiss Bar Work:
Empty bar x10 4 to 1 / band pulls x10
55lb x5 4 to 1/ band pulls x10
85lb x3 / b.p. x10
85lb x3 / b.p. x10
85lb x3 (wide) / b.p. x10
85lb x3 (mid) / b.p. x10
85lb x10 /b.p. x10
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Straight Bar work: (all narrow grip)
Bar x20 / bench dips x20
65lb x18 / dips x18
75lb  x12 / dips x12 (was trying for 15)
85lb x10 / dips x10
95lb x8 / dips x8
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D.B. Seated Press:
Reclined the bench on each set until it was flat
25lb x5 /bent row x10
25lb x5 / seated rows x10, 4x
25lb x14
50lb bent rows x5 ea side, 5x
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25lb plate o.h. tri. ext. X10, 25lb plate pullovers x10, 3x
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Band assist push ups x19
Band assist explosive push ups x5
Band assist fat guy pulls ups:
Wide grip x5
Mid grip x5
Narrow grip x5
Suppinated narrow x5
     "       "        mid x5
     "       "         wide x5
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Red band o.h. tricep ext x100 (changing angle)
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Lots of reps. Lots and lots of reps. My triceps feel totally pumped and that's a feeling that's addictive. It's part of the reason you push through the pain and fatigue. You know that those muscles are expanding and filling with blood and are preparing to kick your demons in the ass. And then, in a couple of days when you're aching and sore, you'll know that it's the feeling of those muscles repairing themselves and getting bigger, stronger. I honestly can't imagine not having these feelings in my life. I simply cannot.

The Train Is Departing

     For whatever reason, mainly because we're fallible humans, there will be times that we fall off of our course. We lose sight of our goals, both short and long term. We misplace our motivation and can't seem to remember where the hel we put it and our drive goes into neutral, or in the worse scenarios, reverse. Then the vicious spiral down starts of being pissed and depressed because we're pissed and depressed and we're sinking so far into that black hole it feels as if we'll never make it out again. I've been in that spiral for far too long, my friends. Until now.

     Whether it was the Gods answering my calls for help, my ancestors and friends rallying behind me or just that wee little voice in the pit of my soul never refusing to shut up, I'll never be quite sure. But something stopped that spiral. Something slapped me across the face and said "enough!" I cannot thrive in an environment of self torture, I can merely exist. I'll be damned if I've come through some of the shit I've come through to merely exist on this plane. I was meant to excel and so that is exactly what I intend to do. 

     I certainly don't have all the answers as to how I"m going to excel, but I know it doesn't involve me wallowing in self hate and pity.  Fuck that nonsense. I'm a daughter of Odin, damn it, and I will be strong and powerful. He will not accept anything less from me. He will accept sadness, anger, frustration, he will even accept failure, but he will not accept a weak, defeated mortal. 

     Eating will be tweaked, as usual, to fit a more "aggressive" pattern. I took the fasting to an extreme that was just pure stupidity on my part. So an increase in protein, cutting back on processed shit, and increasing my water. I'm ashamed to admit that there had been some days that a coffee and glass of water made up all of my liquid intake. Dangerous. Dangerous and stupid. That's what depression does, but that's for another post entirely. Activity will be increased, slowly, to levels that used to be my normal. There was a time I was doing at least least 4 hours of heavy training a week. I will get back to that. But it will take a bit to ease back into it.

     I have things to accomplish, PR's to set and barriers to break. The Bad Ass train is about to leave the station and there's plenty of empty seats. Who's in?

Light Conditioning

50lb DB shrugs x50
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3 Part bench x5
Max reps empty bar x10
40lb Band pull downs x30
40lb Band O.H. Pulls x30
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35lb goblet squats x10 / 35lb swings x10, 7x
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25lb plate raises x30
25lb plate pullovers x30
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Plank Leg raises x50 ea leg
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All told, it only took about 30 minutes. Not stellar, by any means but it was better than sitting on my ass.

Mickey Mouse

Treadmill:
20lb Kettle bell, 11 minutes,  the treadmill said 6.78 for distance, but that can't be right, I must have read it wrong or something , various speeds and inclines
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Plate carries: (100'  Lengths)
55lb ea hand (45 + 10) x1
70lb ea (45+25) x1, 2x
80lb ea (45+35) x1
105lb ea (45+35+25) x1 stopping twice
115lb ea FAILED
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I made some handles for my plate carries because the bungee weren't too safe. 

They worked out ok, but with two issues. They put my hands in a different position than they should be (I think). Instead of my palms facing my legs, they end up facing behind me which makes it uncomfortable.  I could get used to that, but the other issue is that the plates slip and end up pulling the handle askew on the chain. So, with all that being said,  what I think I need to do is just connect the chain around the plates and then get 2 more sections of chain for the handles and connect that with a swivel. That way I can rotate my hands and the plates, even if they slip, will still hang somewhat evenly from the handle section. 

I'm disappointed, of course, that I couldn't get the 115lb per hand that I wanted. I need to figure out a better way to steady the plates before I pick them up. I was on uneven ground and between trying to hold them to get the handle in position and trying to keep them from rolling away, I used up what little energy I had even before the lift. And I think I pulled something in my quad. Not bad, but it feels funky. So today was an experiment. At least I did what I did. But the frustration of having to Mickey Mouse everything is really starting to erode at my enthusiasm.  Something has got to give. I've never liked Mickey Mouse anyway.  He's an ass.

It Was That Fucking Running

Sprint - jog / hanging knee raises x10, 3x
Safety Squat Bar x10
85lb x10 
115lb x5
135lb x1 Low box squat (below parallel )
145lb x1, 5x @ 30 second intervals (low)
135lb x10 (high)
125lb x8
115lb x8
105lb X8
Ss bar x10
Empty Strt bar x10 (narrow back squat)
65lb  x10
65lb  (on plates) x10, 3x
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50lb grappler squats / RDL 1-10 ladder
Only made it to 7 (with a huge amount of struggle) on the rdl's and I had to stop doing them. Finished up the squats. 
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Hang from reverse hyper table
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All the weights and sets are approximate because my head is swimming and I can't remember what the hel I did. My back was excruciating by the end of the night and I'm fed up. 
On a side note, I left the relative calm of the gym and came home to chaos. I can't think, can't concentrate and quite frankly I'm pissed beyond belief at life right now. 
So whatever the hel I did at the gym, it was a lot, I was sweating like a pig and that fucking running killed me.

Pictures!!!

Here's a couple of pictures of my home away from home. No frills, no fancy shit, no excuses.

Who needs tattoos when you can have awesome
bench bruises?!

There aren't too many parts of me that I like, but I'm
proud of my shoulders and back.

Form, Form, Form

50lb shrugs x50
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3 Part bench mobility x5
Red band upright rows x30
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Bench press:
Bar 4 to 1 x10 / 45lb tows x5 ea
65lb 4 to 1 x3 / 40lb rows  x5
95lb x3 / 45lb rows x5
105lb x3 / 45lb rows x5
115lb x2 / 45lb rows x5
125lb x2, corrected form, x1 / 50lb rows x5
135lb x1 / 45lb rows x5
145lb s.s. pad with 4" foam roller x6 / 45lb rows x5
145lb pad + roller x5 / 45lb rows x5
145lb pad + roller x6 / 45lb rows x5
100lb down to bar speed drop sets:
X9, x5, x6, x8, x8
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Red band tricep pull downs x20
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Alternating DB press:
15lb x20 ea side / orange band face pulls x20
20lb x10 ea side / face pulls x20
25lb x5 ea side / face pulls x20
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14lb ball burpees x50
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Needed some correction on my form tonight. My feet were lifted which led to me twisting my body which led to sloppy presses. So, with that addressed, they got a little better. My right side was also lagging again, so I needed to adjust the speed and force on that side. I think I find that the weirdest of all - that my right side seems to be weaker than my left. Oh well, no one said I was normal. 

Some Days, The Bear Eats You

Shrugs:
45lb plate x50
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Deads (Block Pulls):
135lb x10
155lb x10
175lb x8
195lb x4, x2
215lb x1
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And that was it. I quit, I fucking threw in the towel. I'm disgusted with myself for failing and floundering when I should be excelling. I'm pissed off that just when I feel like I'm throwing this monster off my back, it comes creeping up and destroys any fire that was starting to build. I'm fed up.
Weight that used to move easy barely budges now on dead lifts and it's pathetic. My back is a huge cramped up mess right now and I'm tired of it. Fucking tired of it. 
And now I sound like a whiny ass bitch to boot. So i'm wrapping it up and going to eat. They some days you eat the bear and some days the bear eats you. That fucker dined well tonight.

Sunday is a day of rest?

45lb (90lb total) plate shrugs x50
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BAR MEDLEY:
Clean, front squat, press, curl, rdl/row
Bar 1-5 ladder
55lb 1-5 ladder (right shoulder started cramping)
65lb 1-5 ladder (both shoulders cramping)
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PRESSES:
75lb x3
85lb x2
95lb x1
100lb FAIL 
65lb x10
55lb x10
45lb x10
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5lb shoulder scarecrows 3 min.
Plank pushups x30
Walking hands on foam roller, in/out x10, 3x
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Disappointed that I didn't make the 100lb press, but I was pretty fatigued after the ladders. My wrists are hurting as much as my shoulders right now, which I have to say, is annoying.  The little things that hurt bother me more than the big muscle groups! 
Between the plank pushups and the foam roller work, my core is plenty tired. All in all, I'd say it was a good day. 

Aftermath

I have to admit, that I kind of look forward to the muscle pain after a really good session. Just one more piece of physical proof that, yes indeed, we did work those muscles!
So after the heavy session yesterday, I'm not at all surprised that my upper thighs, and glutes are a tad sore. However, the real pain and stiffness will set in tomorrow. WOO HOO! the other thing is my feet are a little tender, not as bad as when I free squat, but definitely still achey, and my left knee is none too happy. I'll take that laundry list though because there's one part that's noticeably absent and that's my back. There was some minor pain as we squatted yesterday, on the very first working set. The familiar old "pinch" right in the small of my back. But it seemed to not get any worse as we went along, and I also had none of the tightening and cramping that squats usually bring on. At times, it's felt like a belt of muscle tightening around my lower back; a really painful belt at that. But yesterday, that never happened. I'm sitting here thankful for it, to be sure, but wondering why. 
Here's my thoughts. First, they were high box squats so that changes the dynamics a wee bit, less stress and strain, although last week we did box squats with mucho reps and the pain was excruciating. Something else though, that in my gut I think is playing a bigger role, was that in between each set of squats I did hanging knee raises. I got my knees all the way up to my chest and then stretched really well when I lowered them. 
Whatever the case, It was great not to feel that horrible cramping that pulls me off to one side. It was great to be able to focus entirely on squatting and not 90% on squatting and 10% on the demon residing in my spine. 
Other than that, I am simply flying high on the numbers that we were able to hit. I know that all these box squats are only helping to bump up my free squat max and I can't wait to see what that is! I still can't believe I managed 165lbs and that was before I started hitting all these new, heavier weights. that was just after the pitiful training I had been doing in my garage! As for deadlifts and pressing, they've not been the focus - yet. they've been filtered in still in my garage training and a few pressing exercises have shown up during bench nights. But I'm excited to think  what will happen when I hit them in earnest. 
So many things have me realing in other parts of my life. I've found myself behind the eightball in countless other areas. But the gym, the gym is my release. It's where I make myself proud, and a couple other people too. It's where I shape and construct myself to the image I hold in my mind, not only a physical image but an image of a strong willed, determined, badass motherfucker. I may never get there, but I'm closer now than I have ever been.

4 Plates Makes Me Happy

45lb KB deads 1-10 ladder / shrugs x10
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High Box Squats w/Safety Squat Bar :
All squats alternated with hanging knee raises x5
Bar 4 to 1 x10
+20lb x3
+50lb x3
+70lb x3
+90lb x3
+110lb x3
+130lb x3
+150lb x3
+160lb x3
+180lb x3
+100lb x5
+90lb x8
+60lb x10
+40lb x10
Bar x10
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Empty Strt. Bar:
3 sets of the following:
Front squat x10
Back squat x10
Reactive hops x10
Lunges x5 ea
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Band assist pistol squats x10 ea leg
Band assist one leg reactive hops x10 ea, 3x 
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Leg curls x30
8lb ball lift/stretch x30
Hanging knee raises hold for 10 breaths x3
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Just an awesome sight to see 4 plates on that bar tonight. There are certain moments when it hits you, when you realize how far you've really come. That squat was between 225lb and 245lb  (depending on the actual weight of the bar). Granted, they were high box squats, but it's still pretty damn good for an over grown fat kid. Haha.
As a side note, as we dropped the weight, we also lowered the squats.
Also, some definite ankle mobility issues were identified. So I'll work on stretching them out, getting them to move a bit better and maybe, just maybe, that will help my back in a round about way.

There's Always Progress

Shrugs:
45lb ea x50
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3 Part bench, empty bar x10
BENCH:
65lb 4 to 1 x10
Pushups x10
85lb x5
Pushups x5
105lb x3
Orange band face pulls x10
125lb x2
Face pulls x10
135lb  x1 / 40lb rows (tight) x5 ea, 4x
135lb s.s.pad x1 / 40lb rows x5 ea, 6x
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Band assist dips/ punch press x20/ rows x5 ea/ o.h. tricep ext. x10/ o.h. pulls x10, 3 sets
x12, x5, x5/12lb/45lb , 50lb, 55lb/ 25lb, 30lb, 40lb/ 40lb
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Swiss Bar:
Curl (ladder 1-11) with one press ea time.
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Leg lifts x30
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I didn't get any PR tonight, however, I benched 135lb 4 times without the s.s. pad.  And I fought for ea and every one. My right side was lagging behind and I didn't know how I was going to manage the rest. But we put the pad on and somehow I got a little stronger towards the end. So that was good to see. In typing up these notes, I noticed I actually jumped from 30lb to 40lb on the o.h. tricep ext when I was only supposed to go to 35lb. No wonder it felt heavy! Those swiss bar curls were only supposed to go to 10, but I was shamed and called a T-rex, so I did an extra set making sure my range of motion was better. 
I'm pleased with tonight. I officially hate dips, just so you know.