Early Morning Ramblings

     I'm sitting here at 5:13 a.m., sipping coffee that could strip paint and I figured I should blog. I haven't done it in awhile because I didn't think I really had anything new to say. But, here we go...my mind's ramblings.
     Last Thursday was a bad night for squats. My back decided that it just wasn't going to happen. I pushed as much as I dared and got, I think 10 or so reps at 155lb. It sucks because it never my legs that give out, always that damn back. So anyhow, looks like I'll need to be adjusted. I'm trying not to think of this as a huge disappointment,  just one bad night.
     In other news, we were given a challenge in my fitness group  - 1000 pushups from Friday to Sunday. I got to Sunday and had 750, but I was determined to finish on Monday. Monday came around, I logged 100 more but by 8 p.m., after having a good dinner and getting tired, the last thing I wanted to do was more pushups. I posted in the group and got some encouragement from one of the members. It motivated me enough to push through 150 pushups in about 30 minutes. 
     At some point, these high rep challenges become less about physical activity and more about mental stamina. Just like that 10,000 kettlebell swing challenge I did. 
     I think that's part of the reason I thrive on these little feats that my friends post. Sure,, it's cool to know that I can do 350 pushups in a day, but it's even cooler to know I have a mindset that allows me to push like most others won't.  I faltered last night though. I was going to let 150 measly pushups keep me from finishing that challenge. So close, and I was ready to quit. Frankly, that aggravates me.
     We have a 2 new challenges to do - 600 body squats by Saturday afternoon,  and 1500 "Iron Mikes" by Monday. I'm doing both of these challenges together; why, I'm not too sure. Probably because I'm slightly insane and probably because pain makes me know I'm still alive. 
     I've grown a lot over the past 2 years. I've become physically stronger, for certain. Above that, however, I've finally let my inner strength shine. It was something that I had pushed down before. I allowed myself to believe that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I allowed myself to believe those people who told me I was a curse and a jinx. I allowed my spirit to be suppressed. I had always had this image in my head of the type of person I wanted to be. Maybe it's the type of person I truly was but I was too screwed up to become it. Now, I'm becoming it. I'm letting myself burn to the ground and regrow into the truth of my soul. It's painful at times, stressful at times, but worth it all of the time.
     So those are my thoughts this morning; some of them anyhow. Now I want to finish my coffee before I go wake up my daughter and get Tuesday morning underway.  Yoday will be squats, Iron Mikes, and let's not forget benching at the gym. Rock on people, make yourself awesome.