Not Ready For the Glue Factory Yet

     Welp, I've not been doing much. Everything kind of fell apart, but that seems to be a cyclical experience for me, so I'm not terribly surprised. Emily lost all interest in working out so I lost that little bit of motivation, and I just frankly gave up. However, I can't ignore the fact that I feel like complete and utter dog shit and I know it's from lack of movement. Allow me though, just a moment of venting and self-pity.

     My body hurts. It fucking huuuuurts. My knees, no matter taped, wrapped or naked as a baby are in pain with all that I do. I know I need to strengthen them but when even sitting on the toilet has earned a grimace, things have gotten kind of bad. So, I've become timid of doing anything. Believe me, my logical brain knows that doing nothing is the worse the thing, but the emotional part of my brain has a strong dislike for pain, so it opts for doing nothing. 

     Now let's discuss my neck. There are mornings that I wake up feeling as though my neck has been snapped from my body and hastily reassembled by a blind, mentally challenged monkey. Those are the mornings when I know that I'll be fighting with a migraine, but I suck down some ibuprofen and carry on because, well, I'm more stubborn than the migraine is.

     Add those pains in with the menopausal hot flashes, mood swings and GERD (yes, that can be caused by menopause too - AWESOME), and you can guess that I'm less happy than that stupid Camper you always hear about. I'm so weary of fighting every damn day just to have a good day. I just am weary. 

     OK. I vented and had my moment. Now what? I don't know. I can say that I worked out today. I did 30 minutes of some kettlebell training. I tried to hit the major bits of me while staying away from anything that would overload my knees too much. Frank and I have worked out sporadically, but I haven't logged it because sporadic doesn't amount to much.  Look, I can say that I'm going to become disciplined like I used to be and work out 4 or 5 days a week, but I can't promise that to anyone or most of all, myself. All I can say is that today I moved and tomorrow I will try again. 

     I know we hear all the time that we shouldn't judge others and we shouldn't judge ourselves by others, but I think you have to have that sounding board to make any sort of progress. You have to have an ideal, a goal, a target to shoot for and you have to be able to accurately identify that target. I see other women that are not just overweight, but obese and I can identify that I do not want to be that. Please don't hit me up for being mean. I'm not denigrating them as people. I'm saying, physically, I don't want to be that. I hear them talking all sorts of nonsense about their "diets", and I can identify that I want to be more knowledgeable than that. 

     I have 2 prime targets now - don't be obese, and be knowledgeable about nutrition. Good. With the targets identified, I can go about trying to plot a course to get to them. And that my friends is where I ALWAYS screw it up. Because I have the knowledge. I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE! For crying out loud, I have photographic evidence! I just have to foster that discipline. I'm not sure that I can anymore. But of course, I will try. 

     I'm an old horse, but I'm not a dead horse....yet. So While I'm here I have to keep trying. 

     Here's what I did tonight:

35lb KB SWINGS:

(25 x4) 4x

35lb KB PUSH PRESS:

5 each side x 4

70lb KB DEADLIFTS:

10x4

35lb KB BENT ROWS:

5 each side x4

••••••••••

Was it a lot? No.

Was it the most I've ever lifted? Hell no.

Was it better than sitting on my couch playing "Township"? Abso-fucking-lutely.

See you tomorrow.