Keep Bringing it Up

40lb DB shrugs x30
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SEATED PRESS:
Bar
Front x10, rear x10 
x8 / x8
x6 / x6
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SKULL CRUSHERS:
Bar x10
50lb x10
55lb x10
60lb x10
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[5lb plate front raise x10 / side raise x10 / front raise with face pull x10] 2x 
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10lb plate situps with press x20
[Leg raises x10] 2x 
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I don't know what it is, but there are days when just the least amount of physical exertion seems to stir up all sorts of emotional bullshit. Today was one of those days. It makes it difficult to focus and difficult to care.
Oh well. Live to fight another day.

Dead Quick

DEADS:
95lb x10 
135lb x10
155lb x5
205lb x3
205lb x1
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RACK PULLS:
155lb x3
175lb x3
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Hanging Knee Raise (x10) 3x
[Single leg hip thrust x10 ea leg, leg raises x15, 10lb wtd. Situps x15] 2x 
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A relatively quick session tonight. A little unfocused but I moved and I'm pleased with that. Other than that,not too much to say about it. Keep on keepin on.

Carry On

LOADED CARRIES:
40lb single DB Waiter's carries
Right arm 120'
Left arm 120'
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40lb DB Farmer's carry (80lb total)
[240' x1] 2x
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40lb single DB Waiter's carry
Right arm 120'
Left arm 120'
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40lb dbl DB Waiter's carry
[Right arm 60' x1, Left arm 60' x1] 2x 

Roads Well Traveled

SEAL ROWS :
20lb x20
45lb x8
50lb x6
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CHEST FLYS:
[10lb full x10, top x10, bottom x10, full x10
20lb x10] 3x 
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CURLS:
All curls were alternating arms
20lb hammer x12 (ea arm), gladiator x12, curl x12
10lb hammer x12, gladiator x12, curl x12
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[10lb dumbell face pulls x10] 3x 
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LEG WORK:
[50lb leg extensions x30 / 50lb hamstring curls x30] 2x 
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I kept the momentum going by doing accessory work tonight. I'm doing well with staying disciplined enough to train every day. I'm trying to get the balance of not too much so that I'm killing myself, but enough to make a difference. I'm also noticing g a difference in my attitude with this too. By stressing my body (in good ways) I get that good rush of endorphins. It boosts my mood and makes me feel a little more positive about where I'm at and where I'm heading. With these positive changes in activity it also helps me to make better choices with food.
These are all roads that I've traveled before, but sometimes we need to travel them a couple of times before we're sure of the way.

100 Reasons Why

BACK SQUATS:
Bar x10
Wide/mid/ narrow, Bar x10 each
65lb x10
75lb x10
85lb x10
[95lb x10] 3x 
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Hanging knee raises x25
25lb plate situps/press x25
25lb plate Russian Twists x25
25lb plate pullover (touch floor behind, touch thighs in front)
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BARBELL CALF RAISES
Bar x20
65lb x10
75lb x10
85lb x10
95lb x10 
105lb x10
115lb x10
125lb x10
130lb x10
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Tonight, I am pleased with what I did. Well, mostly. I'm not too pleased that my stomach was really too full from a big lunch. Makes for a bit of queasiness when you push haha. But other than that, all is good. 
I think I probably just should have kept the weight constant on the calf raises and done 100 at one weight. It was too much of a rest between sets and so my calves don't really feel stressed. 
I had to put my belt and sleeves on for the squats, but I'm good with that. I'm playing it safe so that I don't ever set myself back...again. 
I haven't figured out what I'm doing tomorrow but I know I'll come up with more "reasons" to do it.

Whaaaatever

SEATED PRESS:
Front / rear
Bar x10 / x8
       X10 / x6
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BARBELL ROW /LAT PULL DOWNS (standing, machine)
Bar x10 / 18.5lbs x15
65lb x8 / 30.5lbs x10
75lb x8 / 42.5lbs x6
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Chest Flys (machine) 
18.5lbs x10
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STANDING TRI EXT (double handed)
[20lb x10] 3x 
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KICKBACKS
[20lb x10] 3x 
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I'll never get used to the odd amounts on the machine plates, it drives me insane. I HATED the chest Flys on the machine. Usually,  I do them with dummbells, on a bench and I can get 30lbs. I barely managed 185lb tonight. I'm disgusted with my performance all the way around. But then again, disgust towards myself is nothing new. Sigh....

Not Too Much Lost

Decided to head back to my weight room tonight. This is what we did:
ME:
2 part bench (press/forward) Bar x10
BENCH:
Bar x10
65lb x5
95lb x5
105lb x5
115lb x3
135lb FAIL (needed assist)
FRANK:
155lb x10
165lb x10
185lb x10
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Certainly not what I would call a full session, but tonight, I honestly don't care.

More Issues Than Reader's Digest

     It's been awhile since I've made a post and I feel like it's time for a new one.
     The issues with my heart have been sorted out because it turns out that there are none! Which is a complete load off of my mind, I can tell you that. However, even with those issues taken off the table, I still, for some reason, have plenty. 
     The "funk" has hit me again. I seem to remember a time a couple of years ago when I had no ambition to do anything; when it seemed as if my fire had gone out. I'm facing all those same feelings again and it sucks. It sucks hard; as bad as it ever has. I'm in a position now that I was only dreaming of being in  - I have a wonderful man in my life and in my daughter's life, we have a nice home where there's contentment and happiness. I even have a weight room in the basement. And yet.....meh. There's this part of me that just stopped wanting to move and I can't get it kickstarted again. I can come up with all sorts of reasons why I can't do anything. The weight room is a mess and there's junk piled on every bench and machine surface. I'm exhausted from sitting in a cubicle all day. I'm rushed when I get home to get dinner going, take the dog out, and spend time with my daughter. The house needs cleaning. Laundry needs washing. The list could be endless. I feel exhausted. 
     There is another part of me though that is silently screaming. I listen to myself with all these bullshit excuses and it makes me physically ill. There's an answer to each excuse. Clean the weight room. If I moved more during the day, it wouldn't be such a drag on my system. Frank has already told me not to worry about dinner being such a huge deal, it doesn't have to be a production every day. The dog only takes 10 minutes, tops to walk and do his business. Spending time with my girl while I work out is still time spent together. My exhaustion is brought on by my own bullshit. See, there's an easy solution to it all. Just knowing that makes me even angrier with myself. 
     I've said it before and it bears repeating - I have NEVER regretted working out. I've never finished 45 minutes of lifting and thought, "well that just wasn't worth it". I'm my own worst enemy and I'm not setting a very good example for my daughter. I'm capable of doing better than this. It's just that plain and simple. 
     Maybe I felt like writing this because I knew, on a deeper level, that it would be the jump start that I needed. It's sort of like confession, this blog. I'm confessing my sins openly to myself and to everyone and now I need to take action to repent for these sins. Sins of letting myself slide; letting myself weaken; letting myself waiver and stray from my path. 
     I can't say that changes will happen immediately because it seems as if every time I say that, it's a jinx on myself. I will say that baby steps are in order. I've done a few kettlebell workouts, but the discipline and structure to do them every day isn't there. So my first baby step is to do something each and every day. Right now, I don't care if it's a program, a set routine, with weights or body weight. I just need to do something to make myself stronger and leaner (I've got to get this extra fat off of me). It's going to suck, I know this. I'm not going to like it, it won't be fun and I will be pissed at having to do it. But I also know that I WILL NOT regret it. 
     I don't think I'll ever be issue free, I mean, who really is? But lighting a match and seeing some of them go up in flames sure would be nice.