BENCH:

55lb slow eccentric, 1 sec paused x10

55lb x10

75lb x8

95lb x5

(115lb x4) 3x

55lb x25 (max reps)

••••••••••

INCLINED DB BENCH:

15lb x7

25lb x5

15lb x6

••••••••••

SKULL CRUSHERS:

(40lb x10) 3x

••••••••••

MACHINE CHEST FLYS:

20lb x10

30lb x10

20lb x10

••••••••••

I don't have too much to say about tonight. I'm still struggling with getting in a session every day, but I'm pleased I'm doing as much as I am. I'm just willing myself not to stop. I'm sleeping like crap, eating just mezza mezza, and not feeling all that chipper. But I'm still alive, still fighting, still chugging along. 

There's Always Tomorrow

FRONT SQUAT / BACK SQUAT:

(bar x5 / x5) 2x

••••••••••

KB SINGLE LEG RDL + KB DEAD / HIGH LIFT:

20lb x10 ea leg / x10

35lb x10 ea / x10

55lb x10 ea / x10

••••••••••

SPLIT SQUATS:

5lb PLATES x10 ea

10lb PLATES x10 ea

ALTERNATING BACK LUNGE:

15lb DB's x10 ea

••••••••••

WEIGHTED SIT UPS

(35lb PLATE x20) 3x

••••••••••

Not happy with tonight. Not happy with it at all. What a sham of a workout. I didn't want to do it. In fact, I even told Frank that I was skipping tonight because I just didn't feel like it. Then he went out to work on a vehicle that needed attention. That left me standing there, feeling like a quitter and a loser. So I went downstairs with all intentions to squat. Yeah right. No real plan for font squats left me floundering with sissy weights and disjointed, mismatched movements. My SI joint was cramping and not allowing any real weights to move and I had to stop and foam roll halfway through. Ugh, anyway. It's over. Tomorrow's another day.

SEATED O.H. PRESS:

Bar x10

55lb x10

65lb x6

(70lb x3) 5x

••••••••••

DB FRONT + LAT RAISE / PULL DOWNS

(15lb x10 ea / 100lb x10) 3x

••••••••••

PLATE PULL OVERS:

25lb x10

35lb x10

45lb x10

(all had full extension to the front)

••••••••••

I failed in deciding what program I wanted to put myself on. I had said that I would do that by this workout. I didn't. I can't decide what one I want, but I'm leaning towards putting myself back on the body building template from T-Nation. It was closest to what I used to do and had a good mix of main lifts plus accessories. It was varied enough to keep me from getting too bored. That was a fail, but I didn't fail in at least getting some work done. I think that was more important so I'm not too upset. I've been stuck for longer than I care to admit on the seated overhead. I bounce back and forth between 70lb and 75lb, but I'm more consistent at 70lb. I'm going to work hard at breaking that plateau within the next few weeks. I miss the standard overhead press, but the ceiling simply isn't high enough in the basement. I can press the bar and not hit anything, but plates added on make it too big. There is the option of lugging all the equipment needed outside - bar, plates and sawhorses - but I'm not feeling that! I used to do it during good weather but the effort just doesn't seem worth it. At least with the seated overhead no leg drive is available. It forces me to get stronger in the upper body.

The other thing that I succeeded at was getting 100lbs on the pull downs. I was working out with Frank and he had done some before me. I trusted him when he said that it was "light weight" on the machine so I didn't have to change it. Liar! It was 20lbs heavier than I had been doing for reps. I'm pleased with that.

In slightly less important news, I tried working out without music. Couldn't do it. I had to run up and get the charger for my laptop so I could have my tunes. Oh the little things that mess with us!

(those who know, know)

Even If It Hurts

DB SHRUGS:

60lb x35

••••••••••

DEADLIFTS:

Paused:

(135lb x10) 3x

Conventional:

135lb x10

Sumo:

135lb x5

Conventional:

135lb x5

••••••••••

DB CALF RAISES:

(60lb x15) 2x

••••••••••

BB RDL / HIGH KNEE RAISES:

Bar x15 / x15

55lb x15 / x15

••••••••••

PLANK / MTN. CLIMBER:

[25 seconds / x15 (ea leg)] 2x

••••••••••

Not too much to say about tonight. I was almost going to say "screw it" and skip tonight, but I didn't want to quit on myself. My back was total trash. There were moments when it felt OK, and then halfway through a set it would start wigging out and cramping. I know I need an alignment, I haven't been to the chiropractor in over a year anyhow. That's just not in the cards right now though. I'm going to have to make do with stretching and foam rolling. I think once I start building up muscle again that will help a lot as well, plus Frank's excellent at picking me up and giving me a good crack!

Anyhow, on to make some beautiful ribeye steaks that I picked up today. I earned it.

I Must Be Daft

BENCH:

55lb 4 sec eccentric, 1 sec pause x10  / 55lb normal tempo x10 (no rest between)

65lb x10

85lb x6

105lb x5

(115lb x5) 3x

••••••••••

REVERSE FLY / CHEST FLY / TRI EXT

(15lb x10 / x10 / x10) 3x

••••••••••

V UPS x10

PLANK / MTN CLIMBERS

45 sec / x15 ea leg

(25 sec / x15 ea leg)

••••••••••

I've finally made it back to 3 sets of 5 at 115lb! Very pleased with that. I haven't put myself back onto a strict 5x5 or 3x5 plan but getting 5 reps was a goal. I'm giving myself till the end of this week to stay on the easy track. Monday I'll start adding a bit more time onto each session. Tonight's musical selection seemed to please Frank, which is odd. He usually doesn't go for the upbeat, quicker tempo stuff. But Daft Punk apparently tickled his fancy. Who knew?

Emotion and Logic

BOX SQUATS:

Bar x10

65lb x10

85lb x10

115lb x5

(135lb x3) 5x

••••••••••

SPLIT SQUATS:

BW x10 ea

5lb plates x10 ea

10lb plates x5 ea

25lb plates x5 ea

••••••••••

(HAMSTRING CURLS (mini exercise ball) x10/ GLUTE L BRIDGE x10)

V UP x10

••••••••••

I missed yesterday because I was having some issues with my SI joint. I didn't want to use that as an excuse to miss 2 days in a row, however, so I forced myself to squat. I kept it light and it worked OK. I was surprised that the split squats went as well as they did. I love them, but they're usually the movement that will aggravate my joint the most when it's already wonky. But they hit the quads like nobody's business and mine definitely need to be hit! I was totally surprised that I was able to do V Ups. I've always been intimidated by them and never attempted them. I just figured I was nowhere near strong enough to do them. Apparently I was wrong. 

Now, with the technical stuff out of the way, I would like to move on to the more personal stuff. I mentioned in previous posts that I'm working on becoming more disciplined. I bought myself a book entitled "Discipline Equals Freedom" by Jocko Willink (I'll link to it at the end). I've already found one thing in particular that has stood out to me. Let me give a little backstory.

For quite some time, I've used a particular bindrune on heavy lifting days. On the days that the weight is near max and I know it's going to be a struggle, I mark myself with a simple bind of 2 runes that I've found give me the support I need to make it through.

It's a visual mark of intelligent strength. I mark it on my wrists and it helps me to focus my aggression and energy into the lift. It's a bind of Thurisaz and Ansuz. Thurisaz embodies aggression and strength and power. Ansuz embodies wisdom and wit and intelligence. Wild aggression is great but it can get you hurt in a hurry. With some smarts and know-how added to it, it reigns it in to be more effective for the task at hand. Simple, but effective. What the hell does this have to do with the book I bought? I'm just getting to that.

On page 22, Jocko speaks about something he calls the destroyer mode. He describes it thusly,

"It is the thing that allows you to go the extra distance. To dig a little deeper. To push a little harder. To get after it. And it actually takes two opposing forces to bring it to life. It takes both emotion and logic to reach your maximum potential, to really give everything you have, to go beyond your limits."

I do not believe in coincidences. I do not believe it was a mistake that I've used this bindrune to power through. I do not believe it was a coincidence that I bought this book. Thurisaz, an emotional, aggressive power, is balanced and opposed by Ansuz, an analytical, logical power. 

It gives me a good feeling to know that I'm on the right track and probably have been for awhile, just a little stalled out; stuck in the ruts. I needed a little push on my bumper to get me up and over that initial hump and to get my wheels turning again. I'm not rolling smoothly yet by any means. My tires are a little flattened and they're rolling with a noticeable wobble, but they're moving. 

I've already felt a mental boost and a lift in spirits, albeit slight. I've made plans to start learning a skill that I've been interested in since my school days and I'm determined to make it a scheduled "task" during the day. 

With each day that I manage to stay on task and stay focused, the wheels turn smoother, faster, with more stability and purpose. I'll get there, I have no doubt. 

Buy The Book

Doin What Feels Right

SEATED OH PRESS:

(bar x10 front) 3x

(bar x10 rear) 2x

••••••••••

PULL DOWNS:

Front / Rear

(80lb x10 / x10) 3x

••••••••••

FRONT + LAT RAISE / PLATE PULLOVER

15lb x10 ea / 25lb x10

15lb x10 ea / 35lb x10

15lb x10 ea / 45lb x10

••••••••••

I'm still struggling with the desire, but I'm trying to keep with the discipline. I had yesterday as a rest day, so there was no way I could skip today. Missing 2 days in a row would just undermine everything that I'm trying to build here. While I understand that desire takes a backseat, sometimes you do have to do something that will lift your spirits as well as your heart rate. That being said, I kept it easy tonight; weights that I knew I could easily move and a rep range that would make me work, but not kill me. Tomorrow is lower body with squats and leg work. 

Velcro Has To Go

DB SHRUGS:

60lb x40

••••••••••

DEADS:

110lb x10

135lb x10

155lb x6

185lb x5

205lb x2

205lb x1 - belt popped off

205lb x2

••••••••••

BB CALF RAISES

Bar x15

(Bar x20) 2x

••••••••••

[HAM. CURL (mini ball) x10 / GLUTE L BRIDGE x10 / HKR x15] 3x

••••••••••

That stinkin belt of mine needs to go. I bought it eons ago at Dick's Sporting Goods and it's served me well, but the damn velcro is all worn out. The least little bit of strain on the thing and it pops open halfway through the lift. I've been putting off the purchase of a prong belt because I wasn't really sure if the cost would be worth it, but I'm thinking that it is. I certainly don't need some super-heavy duty belt, so I'm positive I can find a decent one in my price range.

Other than that, the night went fairly well. Still can't manage a full set of 5 at 205lb. However, seeing as how I've been everything but consistent in my training, it's not surprising. With consistent effort, I should be passing that weight shortly.

Day three of "one more day". One more day closer to discipline.

Raving Squirrels

BENCH:

55lb 4second down, 4 second pause x10

55lb x10

65lb x8

95lb x6

(115lb x3) 5x

Bar x15 wide, x15 mid, x15 narrow

••••••••••

REV. FLY / CHEST FLIES:

(15lb x10 / x10) 3x

••••••••••

FACE PULLS / BENCH DIPS:

(60lb x15 / x10) 3x

••••••••••

     I did one more day. Not a stellar day, but a day. Honestly, I'm not even going for stellar. Hell, I'm not even going for great. I'm happy that I moved more than a sandwich to my face, so I'm counting today as a win. I don't really know what else to say. 

     I'm trying. Probably not trying enough but I'm kind of in a low point right now, so I don't really care. I have so much worry in my brain right now that it makes it hard to be positive about anything. My daughter is struggling in school and as I type this, my worry wart brain is totally derailing. Because my brain functions this way, it makes it difficult to reel in my thoughts and focus them on the task at hand. It makes it difficult to separate the thoughts into their proper places of importance in my brain. Too many thoughts, too many directions. I saw a saying that I don't have my ducks in a row, I have squirrels at a rave. That hits the nail on the friggin head! Is it any wonder my girl has a hard time in school? The chip doesn't fly too far from the stump. There are days when my brain races at a million miles an hour and then it crashes. 

*sigh*

Anyway. Today is done. Tomorrow is another day.

How Many Days?

SHRUGS:

60lb DB x35

••••••••••

BACK SQUATS:

Bar x10

75lb x10

95lb x10

115lb x10

135lb x10

••••••••••

RENEGADE ROWS

25lb x10 ea

PLANK PUSHUPS

x10

••••••••••

STEP UPS (weight is each side)

25lb x10 ea

35lb x10 ea

•••••••••

25lb situps x20

leg raises x15

•••••••••

     Twenty four. It's been 24 days since I last worked out in any fashion. I have to be brutally honest with myself and accept the fact that I have regressed. I am currently failing my gods, my family and myself and there are exactly zero excuses for that. I've been busy with keeping the house in order, yes, and I've also been busy trying to make and sell my wares, but those are nothing more than empty excuses. Even with doing those things, I still could have fit in some sort of training most every day. 

     It's self-defeating to fall into the trap of the "I used to's". I used to be able to bench this amount, I used to be able to squat that amount. However, it's embarrassing to realize that I really did used to be in pretty good shape. I have so much extra fat on my body now that I'm fairly certain I could hibernate for a couple of months and not be any worse for wear. All that extra fat and I still sit here and shovel in the sweets. Go ahead, Yogi, have that whoopie pie. 

     It's disgusting. I'm an intelligent woman. I understand nutrition and exercise. So what the actual fuck is wrong with me?! I have a lack of discipline, a lack of motivation, a lack of willpower. I know this. So how do I fix it? That's the part I don't know. I know what I need and now I need to go about getting it. I suppose part of it is just doing it. Not thinking weeks ahead, but thinking day by day. Today I worked out. Done. Tomorrow? well, tomorrow is for tomorrow's worry.

     When I'm lifting heavy and absolutely dreading the next set, I'll play a little mental game with myself. I'll tell myself,  "Just do one more. All you have to do, is one more rep and you're done."

     I do the one rep, because I can always do one rep. Then I take a breath and tell myself the same thing again. "Just do one more, then you can quit."

     I do it because I've given myself an out; an excuse for it to be OK to quit. I also do it because I know that if I quit, I'm a loser. I know it sounds stupid, but 9 times out of 10 it works. So maybe that's what I need to do here. I'm telling myself just do one more day. Then I can quit. Just work out tomorrow and then be done with it all; then I can be a quitter. Who knows, maybe it'll work for me. I can always do one more day.