I Want To Go To The Pole

Warm up: usual suspects
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Leg curls on reverse hyper +40lbs x15
Walking lunges x18
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[Yoke bar box squats x10 / walking lunges x24] 2x
Yoke bar back squats wide/mid/narrow x4 ea 
Walking lunges 50lb total x24
Yoke squats narrow/mid/wide x4 ea
Walking lunges 50lb total x24
Yoke squats wide/mid/narrow x4 ea
Yoke zercher between narrow and mid x30 (just at parallel )
135lb block pulls x10
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90lb sled work:
High grip push about 75'
Low grip push about 75'
High grip 75'
Backwards push 75'
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45lb KB calf raises on 25lb plate x20
[Single leg calf raises on plate (body weight) x10] 2x
Reactive hops x20
Single leg reactive hops x20 ea
Hanging knee raises x20
Plate hops x20
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Leg curls on reverse hyper, pushing against swiss ball with Justin as resistance x10
Leg curls (no weight) x20
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Bicep curls, on toes, on plate x30
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All of the squat/lunge combos were done with very little rest in between sets. So it was squat, lunge,  rest for about 30 seconds, then start again. It was a fast-paced night to be sure.
The bicep curls were done with some funky little contraption that allows you to turn your grip as you curl. I have no idea what it's called, but I'll find out.
The distance for the sled pulls was from telephone pole to telephone pole, I'm guessing that a out 75'? I won't lie, I struggled big time with the last push - the backwards push. I had to stop a few times, and Justin was going to let me quit about 10 feet short, but I was determined to make it to the last pole. I made it. Out of breath, red faced and dying, but I made it.
Overall another good night. I'm glad that we're still getting me an awesome workout to my legs without stressing my back too much. Next Monday is my chiropractor appointment so I'm hopeful that I'll feel even better after that.

What A Joke

     It's late (for me). 9:12 p.m. to be exact. I probably shouldn't be blogging but something is eating at my mind. So you'll excuse me if the post is a bit...disjointed. I'll ask you to also forgive the larger than normal amount of typos. Or who knows, maybe i'm so tired, I'll actually improve!
     Support. Do I need it? Yes. Do I receive it? Yes and no. I get an ENORMOUS amount of support from my trainer.  I get loving support from my boyfriend. I get strong support from friends both online and in person. And all of that support is amazing and it's helped to push me through some tough patches. However, that support that I receive will at times, be overshadowed by the support that I don't receive.   
     I think we expect certain people to always be there for us and take an interest in what we're doing. Even if it's an area they may not be personally interested in, they pay attention for the simple fact that they WANT to support us. When those expectations aren't met and the people fall far short, it can really do a number on our physce.  
     I'm having a hard time telling myself to stop with the expectations. I know I have people in my corner that want to see me succeed,  that should be enough, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes I just feel like it's all a joke to some.  That hurts. It fucking hurts. The thing is, though, that they don't / won't  / can't  even see the hurt. It's not something that can be talked through or discussed either. Because there's no point in discussing a joke right? Me getting so upset over something so insignificant is like the joke within the joke. 
     The only solution I have for the moment is to tell myself that there are simply some situations that will never really change and that my expectations here will never be met. All I can and should do is carry on with the same resolve that I've always had and make things happen. All I can do is continue to work and achieve my goals as I have them laid out. My consolation is knowing, with absolute certainty,  that there will come a day when I celebrate my success with those that helped me achieve it. And there will be some standing on the outside looking in and wondering why the joke isn't so funny anymore. 

     

I Just Come In And Do What You Tell Me

25lb plate upright rows x50
20lb DB partial presses x30
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BENCH:
Bar 4/1 x10 / 6lb rear del flies x5
65lb x10 / flies x5
75lb x10/ flies x5
85lb x10 /flies x5
95lb  Zotman press x3
85lb bench x6 /flies x15
105lb Zotman  x3 (light assistance )
75lb x8 / flies x15
115lb Zotman x3 (light assistance )
65lb x8 /flies x15
125lb Zotman x3 (light assistance )
Bar - wide, mid, narrow x8 ea.
[125lb Zotman w/orange band x3] 3x 
125lb Zotman narrow/mid/wide  x3 ea
Seated  barbell press x10
Seated barbell press x6, x4 w/assistance 
Seated barbell press x5
20lb KB  pullover with resistance on the raise x5
Seated barbell press x5
20lb KB pullover with resistance on the lower x5
Isometric press against safety bars w/10lb bar (30 seconds) x5
Explosive pushups x10 (they weren't very explosive)
Fat guy pullups from the bench / isometric holds
Isometric pushups again st bar on the bench x10
20lb KB seated tri ext x10
Small bar (10lbs) x10
Barbell Kickbacks (small bar) x10
15lb plate raise/ o.h. tri ext x10
Orange band standing tri ext x20
Small bar w/orange band press down (quick) x30
Small bar w/bands press x10 (slow)
Small bar w/bands bench pull down (narrow grip) x30
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Partial pushups on swiss ball x30
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Tonight was all about hypertrophy and also about me learning that I have no idea what the hell most of these movements are called! I just show up, do what Justin tells me, and then go home! Tonight I realized that's probably not the best way to be so I started asking a couple of questions. Literally.  I think I asked 2. Hey, for me, that's an improvement.  That small bar really doesn't have a specific name, I think it's just a cheap kids' bar that weighs about 10lbs, maybe 15lbs. We'll go with 10lbs though to be on the safe side. 
Overall, I'm pleased with tonight. I felt a good pump going on and certainly felt all the right muscles being hit. I'm still adjusting my mind to "body building " as opposed to "power lifting", but I have no doubt that things will be fine. Regardless of what name we put on it, I fully intend to get insanely strong, and insanely capable in the weight room. 

Building The Body

     Last night my trainer proposed the idea of switching our focus from powerlifting/strongman to body building. He thought, in light of the recent issues with my back, that it may just be the safer bet for me. I suppose when even body weight movements are a problem then yes, switching things up may be in order. However, I can't say that I'm not thoroughly upset. I feel like I've failed, miserably, at the one dream I had, that I was actually working really hard on making come true. I feel like this is the universe telling me, "nope, you really ain't good enough, kid."
     But I also know that those thoughts are just my ego talking. It's bruised and as sore as my back is right about now. So I'm working on changing my mindset and looking at this in a rational, unemotional way. For me, that may take a while. What I will eventually realize is that this doesn't mean I'm quitting training. I'm still in the gym twice a week, still able to do stuff at home and in the yard, etc, just like I've always done. This also doesn't mean that I won't get stronger. It's right there in the title: body BUILDER. I'm building my body to make it better.
     I'm also looking at this as a new challenge because it's going to force me to really gain control over my eating habits. What Justin said we'll be doing is training and acting as if we have a competition to get into. We'll set a date for this imaginary meet, and we'll work towards it. I'm going to continue to log my workouts, track my progress and now I'll be adding a food diary into it all. Our goal is to get me ripped, and I suppose at the end of the day, this may take even more dedication and work on my part. 
     I also say this is "our" goal because I truly feel like Justin is right along with me in this. Seems obvious to say, but I've never felt like just a client to him. He's invested in the people he trains and without him, I'd be shit out of luck. I probably would have hurt myself beyond reasonable repair by now and given up. So I owe him a lot. I owe him 200% effort on this and I intend to give it.
     While it's a little bit of a blow to me, I am excited at what I can achieve. I can do almost anything when I put my mind to it, and Odin knows I'm stubborn enough and determined enough. So let's see where this leads. Let's start building muscles, making them pop, and getting ripped. (still feels weird to say that). Who knows, maybe I'll even feel confident enough to put on a pair of shorts this year!
      

Bittersweet

Warm up:
The usual suspects
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Box Squats:
Bar x10
[65lb x10] 4x 
65lb x25
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3 part goblet squat (normal /wide/narrow ) x3 ea / 4" box hops x20
25lb, 35lb,  45lb 
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2' step ups, 20lb KB (chest high) x 10 ea leg
1' + 2' steps, 35lb KB (chest high) x10 starting ea leg
4", 1' + 2'  steps, 55lb KB (chest high for 7, carried for 3) x10 starting ea leg
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Modified leg curls on the reverse hyper machine:
Machine weight x20
+20lbs x20
+40lbs x20
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Feet flat on swiss ball, shoulders on foam roller: hip thrusts x20
Ankles on swiss ball, shoulders on foam roller: hip thrusts x20
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"Inverted squats" x20
(Push up position, walk feet in 6", knees 2" off floor, push your rear end up and back, come back down)
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Tonight was a bittersweet night in the 'ole gym. Because I've been having such a difficult time with my back, Justin thought the wise decision would be to shift focus. So we're changing from a powerlifting/strongman route to a body building route. 
So..switching techniques,  dialing in my diet...just another challenge. 
Deeper thoughts in another blog tomorrow.  Now, I rest and think (but not too much ;-) )

You're Getting Big...Not Fat.

Normal warm up / foam roll on back
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Push up test (timed)
30 seconds each set 
x26, x19, x13
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2, 30lb DB racked carry for about 50'  shrugs for about 50', racked carry for about 100'
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BENCH:
Bar x10
65lb x10
85lb x10 
95lb x3
[135lb x1 / 45lb DB rows x5 ea] 4x
95lb x9 /45lb rows x10 ea
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DB INCLINED PRESS:
2 part press (45°|90°)
15lb x10 / 35lb KB high pulls x10
20lb x8 / h.p. x10
25lb x6 / h.p. x10
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O.H. PULLS:
 w/20lb KB
5 different variations / angles x20 ea.
Seated o.h. tricep ext. 20lb plate x20
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Orange band bent pull downs x20
Red band o.h. tri. ext. x20
Eccentric bench pushups x10 (4 seconds down) 
Eccentric chin ups x10 (4 seconds down)
Rows with the rev. Hyper machine +20lbs x20
Rows with rev. Hyper machine +40lbs x20
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CONDITIONING :
Boxing:
Jab, hook, cross, cross (timed) I think we did 3 sets of that.
Then jab, hook, cross, cross, burpee. (Timed) 
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Let's just say that starting with pushups after doing a 1,000 push up challenge was "great".
I felt good on the bench tonight, strong and stable. The only issue I noticed was my arms moving a little unevenly. That could be due to my back being tweaked. Believe it or not, that causes weakness in my right arm. 
Other than that, I felt really good and I felt like I was getting a good pump going. 
The boxing was really fun and I got out some good frustration on that bag. Something different for conditioning, and I'll tell you, it was tough!
I'm putting on size, building strength and I love it all!

Early Morning Ramblings

     I'm sitting here at 5:13 a.m., sipping coffee that could strip paint and I figured I should blog. I haven't done it in awhile because I didn't think I really had anything new to say. But, here we go...my mind's ramblings.
     Last Thursday was a bad night for squats. My back decided that it just wasn't going to happen. I pushed as much as I dared and got, I think 10 or so reps at 155lb. It sucks because it never my legs that give out, always that damn back. So anyhow, looks like I'll need to be adjusted. I'm trying not to think of this as a huge disappointment,  just one bad night.
     In other news, we were given a challenge in my fitness group  - 1000 pushups from Friday to Sunday. I got to Sunday and had 750, but I was determined to finish on Monday. Monday came around, I logged 100 more but by 8 p.m., after having a good dinner and getting tired, the last thing I wanted to do was more pushups. I posted in the group and got some encouragement from one of the members. It motivated me enough to push through 150 pushups in about 30 minutes. 
     At some point, these high rep challenges become less about physical activity and more about mental stamina. Just like that 10,000 kettlebell swing challenge I did. 
     I think that's part of the reason I thrive on these little feats that my friends post. Sure,, it's cool to know that I can do 350 pushups in a day, but it's even cooler to know I have a mindset that allows me to push like most others won't.  I faltered last night though. I was going to let 150 measly pushups keep me from finishing that challenge. So close, and I was ready to quit. Frankly, that aggravates me.
     We have a 2 new challenges to do - 600 body squats by Saturday afternoon,  and 1500 "Iron Mikes" by Monday. I'm doing both of these challenges together; why, I'm not too sure. Probably because I'm slightly insane and probably because pain makes me know I'm still alive. 
     I've grown a lot over the past 2 years. I've become physically stronger, for certain. Above that, however, I've finally let my inner strength shine. It was something that I had pushed down before. I allowed myself to believe that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was. I allowed myself to believe those people who told me I was a curse and a jinx. I allowed my spirit to be suppressed. I had always had this image in my head of the type of person I wanted to be. Maybe it's the type of person I truly was but I was too screwed up to become it. Now, I'm becoming it. I'm letting myself burn to the ground and regrow into the truth of my soul. It's painful at times, stressful at times, but worth it all of the time.
     So those are my thoughts this morning; some of them anyhow. Now I want to finish my coffee before I go wake up my daughter and get Tuesday morning underway.  Yoday will be squats, Iron Mikes, and let's not forget benching at the gym. Rock on people, make yourself awesome.

Dammit All To Hel And Back

Bar medley: O.H. calf raises, presses,  front squat, RDL
BOX SQUATS WITH SAFETY SQUAT BAR:
75lb  x10
115lb x5
155lb git into the hole and my back gave out. Justin had to lift it off me.
Hung from the reverse hyper table
Belted up and continued
155lb x3
[155lb x2 working on speed] 4x
155lb x1. I was going for max reps but my back wouldn't let me get more than one.
Hung from reverse hyper table
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15lb DB squats (racked) x1 w/1 sec pause, ladder to x5 with a 5 second pause after last rep.
30lb DB paused squat/hold
2, 20lb DB front lunges, same as squats, ladder to 5 w/pause
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Bar work:
O.H. call raises on a plate, medley of squats and lunges on the plate.
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Bandit squats w/black band x40 (various stances, etc.)
Bandit lunges w/black band : reverse and front x5 ea leg
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To say I'm frustrated would be the world's biggest understatement.  My back had been feeling great, I had come into the gym tonight feeling capable and strong and then BAM. It all went to shit. I may do another blog tonight, but right now I'm hungry, sore and pissed off.
Sigh...this just sucks.

I Wonder

Warm up:
Foam roll, quad stretches, toe touches, alternate toe touch, inch worms, airplanes, leg cradle, inchworm, yoga pushups, jumping jax
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45lb KB shrugs x50 
Orange band face pulls x50
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BENCH:
Bar x10 / 45lb KB upright rows x10
65lb x10 / 45lb bent rows x5 ea arm
95lb x5 / bent rows x5
105lb x3 / U.R. x10
115lb x2 / B.R. x5
125lb x1 / U.R. x10
125lb x1/ B.R. x5
[125lb x1 ] 4x 
125lb x3 (failure)
45lb KB bent rows x30 ea arm
45lb KB upright rows x30
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DB INCLINE PRESS
(bench was lowered with ea increase in weight)
15lb x20
20lb x15
25lb x12
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Bench all the way upright :
15lb seated o.h. press x15
10lb DB bench rows x15
10lb DB shrug/front raise x15
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MAT WORK:
[20' plank walk * seated (feet raised) orange band pulls - stomach/chest/face x10 * 20' plank walk] 2x
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So, I did alright tonight. I didn't feel weak, but I certainly didn't feel strong. I guess I felt...stable. I'm not complaining, but it does make me wonder what it is that makes me feel stronger on some nights rather than others. I suppose we all have off days. But if I can dial into what exactly gives me that wee little boost, I'll be ahead of the curve. 
Anyhow, good night,  good showing, good feeling.

That Went by Fast

50lb DB shrugs x50
Bar medley: press x5, front squat x5, RDL x5, thrusters x5
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Calf raises w/Safety Squat Bar 155lbs total x30 (toes on a 45lb plate)
Back squat, bar x10
Calf raises x20
65lb box x5
Calf raises x20
95lb box x3
Reactive hops x20
Speed work: Slow into the hole, react to clap and explode up
[95lb x2] 3x belt & sleeves
95lb box x15 (technical failure) I maybe could have gotten a couple more, but he didn't want me going to.complete failure.
Bar x10 back squats (sleeves)
65lb x10 (sleeves)
95lb x10 (sleeves & belt)
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KB squats:
2, 45lb KB x10
Jump squats x10
KB squats on wooden spacer plate x10
2' step ups x5 ea leg
KB squats on wood + 25lb spacer x10
Walking lunges x5 ea leg
KB squats wood + 2, 25lb spacers x10
Reverse lunge from plates x5 ea leg
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Reverse hyper +60lb x10
Hanging knee raises w/stability ball and resistance from Justin x3 
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Tonight was about speed. The weight may have been light but reps were high and the pace was fast. Justin said he was very pleased with my reaction time to his cues so that made me happy. The KB squats felt super awkward which pissed me off a bit. I hate doing things with shitty form, I HATE it. But I also know my opinion is a bit..skewed,  shall we say, so I rely on Justin to let me know if I'm screwing up. 
The thing that surprised me the most was the weight on the calf raises. I've never done that much in my life. So while it may not be a huge PR, it makes me smile.
Overall, tonight flew by. I felt like I had another hour of work left in me. I'm hoping the change in eating habits is starting to have an effect. I'm also super happy that my back has no pain! 

Carry On

35lb Plate Shrugs x50
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PLATE CARRIES:
Each weight listed is per hand
45lb 100'
70lb 100'
80lb 100' (with handles)
105lb 40'        "     "
105lb 40'        "     "     dropped right hand @ about 38'
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KETTLE BELL CARRIES:
35lb  Waiter's carry 100'  ea hand
35lb dbl racked carry 200', 2x
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PLATE CARRIES:
80lb 100' stopped @ 50'
35lb 150'
45lb 150'
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CEMENT BLOCK CARRIES 
One each hand
Overhand 100'
Underhand 100'
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The weather cooperated today so I was able to do some training outside. It felt great to be back out there! I'll definitely be working on tweaking my handles because they just aren't right, but that's not that big of an issue and shouldn't take more than a couple bucks and a few minutes. 
So, with good energy flowing, I'm enjoying a brew while getting dinner ready. It's time to carry on. 

What's Wrong With Me?

BENCH:
empty bar:
Wide x10
Mid x10
Narrow x10
45lb KB rows x10 ea
65lb x10 / rows x10
85lb x10 / rows x10
[105lb x5 / rows x10] 2x
105lb  x5, 85lb x6, 65lb x8, 45lb x12 NASCAR drop sets
Rows x10 ea
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Ring pushups / DB press / Ring pullups 
x10 / 15lb x10 ea / x10
x8 / 20lb x8 / x8
x6 / 25lb x6 / x6
x4 / 30lb x4 / x4
x2 / 40lb x2 / x2
20lb dumbell medley of squats, pauses and holds. It was timed, but I can't tell you how long. I had had to stop a couple of times because my arms were shot.
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Hanging knee raises,  squeezing a ball between knees x20
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Shoulder mobility 2.5lb :
[Shrug / T  / Y / Lat squeeze (?) / full extend] 10x
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I'm not quite sure what was wrong with me tonight but I didn't feel very strong at all. Halfway through the drop sets I didn't think I'd make it and I only managed the minimum amount of reps that he asked for (except for the empty bar).  The pushups on the rings felt entirely wrong and awful and I'm just not happy with how I performed. I'm actually a little pissed at myself. Especially having to stop during the dumbbell medley. That was embarrassing. I've been eating well, making sure I have enough food in me, drinking water and sleeping well. I'm not going to put too much into it, and I'll just chalk it up to a bad night.

Thursday Night Reflections

I was feeling better tonight. Whatever virus I've been hosting has eased up quite a bit, thankfully. I'm still not 100% but at least I can breathe through my nose and I'm not coughing up a technicolor mess. 
Over the past few days, I've made a renewed effort to nail down some better eating habits as well. It's really not so much what I eat as how much. I don't eat nearly enough, at least for what I want to achieve. I can't expect to make many gains if I'm not giving my body the fuel it needs to grow. But to my twisted little mind, the mind that used to overeat on a daily basis, understanding that I need to eat more is a hard lesson to put into practice. There's a definite difference between being a sedentary slug and sucking down 2 cheeseburgers, a plate of fries and a bowl of ice cream the size of my head, and being a woman that lifts and then eating a generous portion size of lean protein and veggies and a cup of ice cream for dessert. 
So with all that behind me, I went into squat night feeling pretty decent. It showed in the results MD feelings of the night.
We made the decision to stick around 135lb until it moves swiftly and easily. So we had some warm up sets and did some lighter power lockouts (getting up to 200 and something. Lol I forgot to write it down). Then I belted up and put on my sleeves. 135lb went really well tonight. It felt easier than the 115lb I did just prior. All I had to do was remind myself that I've already squatted 185lb,  so this was nothing. I did notice however,  that I was starting to lean a bit as I became fatigued. A sign that I may be due for an adjustment at the chiropractor.  Another achievement of tonight was I did a chin up for the first time. The bar is at the top of the squat rack, so what is that? About 8'? I didn't think k I'd be able to jump up and grab it underhaanded, but Justin told me to just do it, then pull myself into a chin up. So I did. Haha, it really was that simple. I was happy, but then he told me not to discredit myself because I "jumped" into it. He said my arms were nearly straight when I started the chin up, so I shouldn't be hard on myself. Is it bad when your trainer can get into your head and know exactly what you're thinking? Because that's exactly what I was thinking.  Then I realized he was , so allowing myself this victory. The next challenge is 2 in a row!
All in all, I feel awesome. I feel stronger in my squats, more powerful through the movements and I'm feeling capable again. Aside from needing to be tweaked at the chiropractor  (i was even jumping with an odd "ttwist"), I feel like i'm tracking ahead again, and that feels great. I won't lie, my back is starting to get angry with me, it's a bit tight and crampy, but nothing like it has been in the past. 
Every obstacle was meant to be demolished; I am living proof of that.

Keep Your Chin Up

Reverse Hyper +40lbs  x10
Back Raises x10
Hanging knee raises x10 
Reverse hyper +40lbs  x10
Back Raises x10
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Front squat empty bar x10
BACK SQUATS:
Bar x10 / 1 chin up!!!
95lb x3 / 1 chin up
115lb x3 / 1 chin up
[135lb x1 / 1 chin up ] 4x belt & sleeves
3 min. Rest
135lb x5
95lb x15
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Split squat  (front foot on foam pad, rear knee to floor) x10 ea leg / 1' step ups x10 ea / 2' BOX jumps x5
20lb KB, 35lb,  45lb 
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30 second deep squat hold / 30 second reactive hops. Rest as needed between weights.
20lb KB, 35lb,  45lb,  55lb 
Took me about 6 minutes to complete.
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Hanging knee raise hold w/Justin pushing against my knees. 
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Very proud of tonight mainly because I actually did a chin up. The 135lb felt pretty good as well. I'll try to do a more in depth post in a little bit, but right now, I need food!

Mother F*@$ing Stability Ball

[Reverse hyper +40lbs x10/Hanging knee raises x10] 5x
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BENCH WORK WITH SWISS BAR:
The focus tonight was keeping my hips down. I managed to do it fairly well, although they still came up too high on some lifts.
Bench/upright rows
Bar 4/1 x10 / x10
55lb 4/1 x10 / x10
85lb x5 (pause @ bottom) / x5
95lb x5 (pause) / x5
105lb x3 / x3
115lb x2 / x2
125lb x1 / no rows
●●●●●●●●●
85lb wide grip x11
85lb mid grip x6
85lb nar grip x2
55lb ext. Narrow x10
55lb narrow x6
55lb mid x6
55lb wide x6
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J M Press:
Bar x10 ea movement
45lb x10 ea
55lb x5 ea
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[Superman w/rings x5 / Fat Guy Pullups x5 / 5lb T, Y,Shrug x10 ea] 3x
20lb standing tricep ext. x50
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Tried to do tricep dips with the rings while standing on a ball, but I couldn't do it. We're trying again next week though because I'll be damned if I'm going to let that asshole stability ball claim victory.